Collin cuts through the haze this week.
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Diver: Collin O’Brien
Interesting Fact: I just graduated from Fort Lewis so I’m probably smarter than you.
Dear Diver,
I met a guy a few weeks back, and at the time, he was wearing a man bun. I figured it was because it was hot outside and not a “regular” thing for him. But every time we’ve hung out since, he’s been sporting it. My friends have started calling him “Hot Bun” and I find it hard to take him seriously let alone do anything “else.” How can I kindly suggest that he give up the bun and let his hair down?
– Done with the Honey Bun
Dear Hot for Buns,
I’d be worried about your weird boyfriend. There is really no reason a man should rock the bun, which leads me to believe that he may not be a man. When you say you haven’t done anything “else” I’m assuming you mean coitus, so you should get around to that and find out the truth once and for all. Any maybe you should start worrying about what public bathroom he uses instead of his hair style. Otherwise, you will have plenty of time to cut the bun off while he’s sleeping and the problem is solved.
– No Buns Here
Dear Diver,
I’ve been training my butt off for the Iron Horse this year, and feel pretty confident I can make it to Silverton alive and under the five-hour threshold. My only problem is: how to dress? The weather forecast for the day looks like a mixed bag. Do I go light and fast or do I bring the kitchen sink, “just in case?” I hate being cold, but I also hate being hot. Please, diver, help me sort out the ever-vexing later situation.
– Rode Hard
Dear Roadie,
Are you asking me if you should wear long-sleeve or sleeve-less Lycra? You’re entering a road bike race so there is no choice besides a skin-suit. Plus, why would you train to carry extra weight to stay warm when you could’ve just kept the insulating fat and stayed warm in the first place? Slap on that skin-suit, grab your aerodynamic helmet, make sure your legs are shaven, and go beat that train.
– I Ride Harder Than You
Dear Diver,
My nosy neighbor is driving me crazy. She always comes over, asks what we’re doing and then offers up her unsolicited advice – on everything, from mowing the lawn to proper storage of our recycling container. How do I tell her to buzz off and keep her comments on her side of the fence, but in a neighborly way?
– Fed up on 4th
Dear Fenced Up,
Your struggle is real and deserves national attention. What would our top presidential candidates have to say about this issue? Trump would build the fence higher, Bernie would unite the people to create a human barrier, and Hillary would take care of the problem if you gave her enough money. My two cents is to get out of the house because it is summertime and there is so much to do. Neighbor can’t bother you if you’re not home.
– Collin for President In a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
telegraph@durangotelegraph.com
In this week's issue...
- January 25, 2024
- Bagging it
State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies
- January 26, 2024
- Paper chase
The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.
- January 11, 2024
- High and dry
New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows