The force is strong with Frank.


Diver: Frank Lockwood
Interesting Fact: Frank is a life-long Cub’s fan AND feeling like a winner.

Dear Diver,
Please help me with a problem on the homefront. When it comes to food, my wife is a mad consolidator. Regular chips with malt and vinegar, honey roasted nuts with salted, and the other day: two kinds of cereal. In the same box! How can I get it across to her that not everything is meant to go together, especially when it comes to snack food. Is nothing sacred?
– Hodge Podge

Hey Hodge,
Is it possible you are not telling the whole story? In other words, if I were to receive a letter of help from your wife, would she be complaining about her husband not ever finishing his snacks or cereal and leaving them out for her to clean up? Maybe? Have you considered a gluten-free, paleo diet thereby eliminating this problem once and for all?
– Diver


Dearest Diver:
A bear got into my neighbor’s trash and then decided to strew it all throughout my back yard. My question: whose responsibility is it to clean it up? Aside from the bear’s, of course.
– Downtown Dave

Double Ds,
A lot depends on the direction you want to head with this one. You could really piss your neighbor off and strew the garbage back onto his yard. (Of course, that would use exactly the same effort to just pick it up yourself and you for sure won’t be invited to his next BBQ.) Or, you could wander over with a cold six-pack and shoot the breeze about your uninvited guest and what to do to prepare for the next visit. Legalities only go so far. Relationships go much further.
– Diver


Dear Diver,
Why do people around here find the need to drive so fast? The other day, I was riding on a county road between Ignacio and Bayfield, going about 5 over the speed limit, and people were riding my ass, passing on double-yellows and otherwise just being obnoxious a-holes. What’s the hurry? Why can’t people just chill out and enjoy the scenery along the way?
– Road Hard

Dear Put Away Wet,
How nice of you to enforce the speed limit for so many! The 15 people in the involuntary caravan of cars behind you, however, are having a hard time keeping their blood pressure below the speed limit. My recommendation is to be a little more aware of your surroundings, yield the highway when you can, safely, and let your neighbors get on with their own lives.
– Diver

– Caught in a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"