Dan Groth is a thinker.


 

Diver: Dan Groth
Interesting Facts:
Dan is celebrating Snowdown with his recently acquired McDonald’s collector cups.

Dear Diver,
I have come to the sad realization that most of the people celebrating ’80s Snowdown weren’t even alive, or were very, very young in the ’80s. It’s kid of how “Happy Days” was to me when I was a kid in the ’70. It’s so depressing that now, I don’t even want to leave the house during Snowdown. Why can’t they come up with some more uplifting themes?
– Down and Out in Durango Hills

Dear Down and Out,
Ha ha!! The “‘80s” theme I will celebrate is on a whole different level than the depressing one you write about. The upcoming week will be a “Glorious Revolution” when I commemorate the events of the 1680s. Yes, in honor of the 1688 deposition of King James II by the Dutch Royal, William the Orange, I will conspire to bring in someone from a nearby community, (preferably Hermosa), to depose Durango’s mayor.  After this transpires, I will celebrate the glorious year 1988 by listening to Rick Astley’s debut album on repeat, (his voice is so thick and rich … like drinking chocolate out of a golden chalice!) It’s going to be the best Snowdown ever.
– Sincerely, Diver

 

Dear Diver,
All I keep hearing about with Snowdown is Madonna, Prince, Michael Jackson, Bon Jovi and other commercial pop hits. But what about some of the true, lesser-sung stars of the ’80s rock scene, like Molly Hatchet, .38 Special, Night Ranger, Billy Squire and my personal favorite, J. Geils. Without them, there would have been no soundtrack to my youth. Why is no one honoring these jukebox heroes?
– Tommy Twotone

Dear Tommy,
To your list of underrated ’80s rockers I would add Giuffira, House of Lords, Sheriff, John Parr, Alcatrazz, Kix, Autograph, the Michael Schenker Group, Fastway ... as well as stellar hair metal groups like Tuff, Britney Fox and Sleeze Beez. But let us also not forget those smooth sophisticates of the soft rock scene. The ’80s would have been a much rougher decade without the likes of Richard Marx, Michael Bolton, Air Supply, Phil Collins, Chris Deburgh, Lionel Richie, Peter Cetera, Sade, Christopher Cross, and Richard Marx. It may appear that I accidentally listed Richard Marx twice, but it was a quite-intentional repetition for the reason that I really like Richard Marx.
– Sincerely, Diver

 

Dear Diver,
So, you know in the movie “Top Gun” when Maverick and Iceman are fighting the unnamed bad guys and Maverick says, “I’m on your tail” – does he mean “I’m flying up behind you” or is there some sort of hidden meaning?
– Getting Goosed

Dear GG,
There is, indeed, a hidden meaning in Maverick’s “I’m on your tail,” and it translates loosely to “I love the thrillingly epic ‘Top Gun’ theme song performed and composed by Harold Faltermeyer, with assistance from Billy Idol guitarist Steve Stevens. It’s soaring melody is so terrifyingly wonderful that I have to try my mightiest to keep from orgasming whenever I hear it.”
– Sincerely, Diver


In a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
 telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

 

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows