One big thumbs up to Bukatko

Diver: Andrew Bukatko, pint glass diver extraordinaire, El Rancho
Interesting fact: When it comes to beer, it’s the Banquet or nothing.

Dear Diver,
When is it officially too early to drink? Sometimes, I like to have a cold beer around mid-morning, if not sooner. And occasionally, my brunch bloody at the Ranch turns into an all-day thing. I still manage to hold down a full-time job and social life and call my mom and pay my bills on time, but certain people still give me shit. So what’s the big deal?
– Here Comes a Regular

Dear Here Comes a Regular,
My colleague and I are enjoying a beverage right now on a Tuesday morning while responding to your post, so as far as we can see it’s never too early. If we were to address your friends, we would say something like, “hey this is Durango and if they didn’t want you to drink before 10 a.m. then every restaurant in town wouldn’t serve booze then.” Carver’s 7 a.m. El Rancho 9 a.m. JBo’s 10 a.m.  El Moro 8 a.m. College Drive Cafe will figure it out eventually. We say ignore your friends and take advantage of all these lucrative opportunities.
– Diver 


Dear Diver,
So for the last few winters, I’ve been working as a flag waver in the Purg parking lot (I prefer the term “parking advisor.”) Anyway, after years of packing em in like sardines, and freezing my butt off in the process, it’s getting old. Plus, it’s really a thankless job and really not all that much fun huffing fumes and watching happy skiers saunter off for a powder day while I stand in the mud. Only thing is, I really need the pass. My question: what are the cush jobs up at the resort that allow for optimum butt time while allowing for ample opportunities to go out and “test the product.”
–  The “Graduate”

Dear Graduate,
First and foremost, you clearly have never parked my car because you’d enjoy the large amounts of free beer and the Rastafari like odor seeping out of my vehicle. However, if I would recommend one job: my old roommate was a yellow jacket, aka “guest services.” All he did was ski around and blow whistles at people skiing too fast or “out of control.”  Lift operators also get to work on and off the clock throughout the day and ski and snowboard frequently. If you don’t like either of these ideas feel free to come back to reality and get a full-time job in town like the rest of the world, actually buy a pass and you can ski or snowboard your little heart out. P.S. Sorry about the yellow stains in the parking lot.
– Diver


Dear Diver,
What is with the freeform parking in this town? It is especially bad in the City Market parking lots. People just seem to park any which way they want whether it’s a space or not. The other day there was even someone wedged in front of the cart corral. Poor Lenny! I guess I always thought the yellow lines were there for a reason. Or do these rules not apply in Durango?
– Driving in Circles

Dear Driving in Circles
Stop your whining and go to Albertsons or one of the many natural food stores in town! Or just give up driving all together because it already sounds like you have a little road rage going on, and we don’t need any more of that in Durango. I am in agreement that the parking lots are terrible almost everywhere in town, but your confusion and angry comments are not gonna make the grocery stores close for six months to redo their parking lots so you’re happy. So get over your personal problems, go to the Durango Cyclery and buy a used bicycle.
– Diver

In a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 3 Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488