Madeleine rides high on her high horse.

Diver: Madeleine Fronsexy
Interesting facts: Every tortoise is a turtle but not every turtle is a tortoise

Dear Diver,
We’re in the thick of tourist season and the sidewalks are crowded with slow-moving, stop-and-stare pedestrians. I just want to get from point A to B in the heat without stopping 10 times. Should I offer a course giving lessons on how to walk, hand out brochures full of tips on the corner, or maybe spray paint lanes into the cement?
– Impatient Local

Dear Pedestrian,
I hear your struggle, I’ve been there: stuck in a standstill traffic of humans, cars and motorcycles. It’s crazy making, but this is our reality so you might as well accept it. As I see it, your options include giving up and becoming a hermit, being a crabby pants and just taking out the Texans or embracing a zen lifestyle. This is a practice for all of us. Without the tourists, this would not be. The great wonder of that which is Durango depends on a surplus of denim, handlebar mustaches and screaming camp kids with bags of Fuzzywiggs fumbling the street of main in the summer to exist in its glory. So, suck it up!
– Diver 

Dear Diver,
I never meant for this to happen, but I have found myself in a love triangle. They both have fallen for me, but I can’t decide between Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Marty Mcfly from Back to the Future. I’ve made a thousand pros/cons lists, but I care for them equally. In your opinion, which do you think I should pick?
– Stuck in the Middle

Dear Lucky in Love,
If your true lovers really are comparable to the likes of “The Rock” and Marty McFly, this is an easy decision in my opinion. First of all, I am an avid “Back to the Future” fan, so I needed to do some preliminary research on The Rock. If it’s the charming good looks, ability to throw a punch and underlying Canadian heritage you are swooning over, I understand your dilemma. True, both men can defend your honor but if this is a matter of love and commitment, I think McFly is the better option, he proves it in every Back to the Future film. Most importantly he is a rad skater and has killer guitar skills and dance moves.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
I’m going crazy in this heat. I can’t stop thinking about skiing. I’ve tried to seek out some dirty, corny snow piles above 12,000 ft but the few seconds of shredding doesn’t exactly hit the spot. Do you have a quick fix before I drop thousands of dollars on a ticket to South America?
– February State of Mind

Dear Too Cool For Summer,
I could write back to you about embracing other sports, realizing that what makes anything wonderful is that which also makes it fleeting but you want a quick fix, so here goes. If it’s the rush you seek, the mountain wind whispering into your ears and slicking back your long locks, the thrill, than buy some secondhand roller blades and hitch a lift up to Red Mountain Pass. You can even put on a bro tank and goggles to assure yourself some rad tans lines as well.
– Diver