Diver: Emily Ciszek, of Animas Trading Co.
Interesting facts: I’m a butterfly

Dear Diver,

My neighbors just installed a hot tub right outside my bedroom window. Now, not only am I subject to hearing their conversations at all times of the day and night, but I have to listen to the motor, which comes on at random intervals throughout the night. Not to mention the disturbing images of them naked that are conjured up while I lie there awake. Sure, they may be getting some quality “together time” and sleep, but mine has gone to hell. Is there any way to get in a hot tub time machine to take me back to the days of restful slumber?

– Boiling Over

Dear Dingus,

All you have to do is poop in the hot tub once. It will be gone in no time at all.

– Diver

 

Dear Diver,

Every time my mother comes to visit, she insists on buying case after case of those little bottles of water. You know the ones where you take like two sips and it’s gone? And worst of all, when she’s done, she throws them in the trash. How do I convince her this isn’t Phoenix and Durango water is the among the best you’ll ever taste, and, more importantly, that she should recycle?

– Thirsty for Change

Dear Thirsty Hoe,

Don’t get me started on single-use plastic water bottles. I have a 20-minute lecture stored in my brain that I unleash on people every time I see them sipping one. As for convincing her, don’t bother. Since she’s from Phoenix, I don’t want her drinking any more of our water anyway. Screw recycling, let’s all try focusing on reducing and reusing first!

– Diver

 

Dear Diver,

One of my favorite restaurants has slowly been going down the tubes over the years. Stuff is either undercooked, overcooked or just plain bad – that is if I even get what I ordered in the first place. Each time I go, it gets worse and worse. It’s like they’re trying to cut corners or they just don’t care. I really like the owner, so I keep going, hoping it will get better, but no luck. How do I drop a clue without offending anyone?

– Disgruntled Diner

Dear Foodie,

Life is too short to eat terrible food. Find a new favorite restaurant.

– Diver

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 3 Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488
- telegraph@durangotelegraph.com