Zane, from Cream Bean Berry, was once captain of the prison swim team.

Diver: Zane from Cream, Bean Berry
Interesting Fact: Bananas are slightly radioactive due to their high potassium content

Dear Diver,
So, me and my guy friends have a dating test. Whenever we take a girl on a first date, we subject her to the “pizza test” by taking her out to get pizza. Believe it or not, it’s remarkably accurate in gauging a girl’s personality. Pepperoni? All-American and easy-going. Canadian bacon and green chile? Multi-cultural and worldly. Cheese? Zzzzzz. Anyway, this one has us stumped: meet lover’s with pineapple. Fruit and sausage? It just doesn’t make sense! Please, diver should we be running for the door or the sack?
– Pie Dudes

Pie Dudes,
Pizza on a first date has cheese written all over it. Sounds like the exotic type to me boys. Prosciutto and pear, chicken and apple, shrimp and peach would also make the list I bet. It’s a big world out there. This one knows what she likes.
– Diced, Crusty


Dear Diver,
My riding buddies are giving be the business about riding with a Camelbak. Apparently, it’s not cool, and they are afraid they will gain “dork” status by merely being seen in my company. What I want to know is, when did hydration become so frowned upon? Would it be better if I referred to it as my “portable hydration system?
– Thirsty

Stay hydrated my friend … If staying hydrated is cool, consider me Miles Davis. Your body is up to 60 percent water, it’s a survival thing. Plus, you were ALL dorks before this even started for having this conversation. Water is the coolest.
–Soaked, Mostly Water


Dear Diver,
With airplane seating getting tighter and tighter, I always feel guilty about reclining my seat, especially if it’s just a short flight. It just seems rude to impose when we’re all crammed in like circus clowns anyway. But some people recline the second the plane is in the air completely oblivious to their fellow passengers whatsoever. It drives me crazy. What’s the proper approach to dealing with these space hogs and enlighten them to their extremely rude ways?
– Window Seat

Window Seat,
They don’t charge you to recline your seat yet? Fly guilt free. Your seat reclines 4 inches … maybe. One day you will have to pay for it I am sure. Remember when people used to smoke on airplanes? Talk about imposing. As I have understood it, flying usually does not bring out the best in people. Don’t poke the bear.
– Delayed, Your Pilot Speaking

In a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 3 Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488


In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows