Willa, of Animas Trading, offers up flowery advice.

Diver: Willa from Animas Trading Co
Interesting Facts: What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified Wood!

Dear Diver,
Once again, I am woefully unprepared for Durango’s biggest holiday – Halloween. What kinds of ideas does the diver have for a quick, cheap, low-maintenance costume? Preferably something witty –sexy nurses need not apply.
– Hallow’s Eve

Dear Eve,
Want to get creative? I’m talkin’ Carmen San Diego or Evil King Wilson of Gamehendge. You are right: sexy nurses are plain and overrated. I would go with moreof a Xena Warrior Princess look, or you could pull the old outfit repeater and rock a Steampunk get-up for Halloween and Snowdown. Stumped on where to find anaffordable unique costume? The charming, lovely ladies down at Animas Trading will get you set up ... and by set up, I mean with a costume.
– The Diver

Dear Diver,
Why is it that none of the bars in this town seem to have an adequate number of bathrooms, but then go to the city transit center of Chapman Hill, and there’s rows of bathrooms that probably will never get used? Seems a little backwards. Or is there something we don’t know?
– Waiting in Line

Dear Waiting In Line,
Haven’t you ever heard of the saying “don’t break the seal?” I think your problem is thinking you have to pee, when in fact, another beer is the solution to your problem. As for the bathrooms at Chapman: your guess is as good as mine. The upside: you never know who you’re going to meet in line at The Ranch, so suck it up and make new friends. What happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom, right?
– Patience is a virtue, The Diver

Dear Diver,
The other day, on my way into a local eatery, I found $50 lying in the parking lot. I suppose it was near the vicinity of a very expensive SUV. Naturally, I pocketed it. I figured if they’re so rich that, as they get out of their $50,000 car they drop $50 right next to my $1500 car without even realizing, then it was OK. Still, I did feel a little guilty. Is that bad “car”ma?
– Robbin’ Hood

Dear Robbin,
Did you happen to get a glimpse of the license plate? My guess is they’re not from here because the chance of a local dropping a $50 bill on the ground is highly unlikely. Let’s say they didn’t drop the money: what do you think they would spend it on? Hopefully a bag of goodies from Animas Herbal, but my guess is a Big Mac meal for the family. Your use of the $50 will bring you to much high-er places than Mr. SUV.
– The Diver