Joey “Fancypants” Ernst from Velorution Cycles.

Diver: Joey from Velorution Cycles
Interesting fact: It’s election year and the circus is in town. Time to pick a winner from a line of clowns (no offense meant to actual clowns.)

Dear Diver,
The other day, I went to a restaurant, where I ordered the kale salad, hold the cheese and chicken. The menu was confusing as to which salad prices “included” protein. Some did, some didn’t. Suffice to say, I paid $15.50 for a small plate of kale with a few chunks of jicama and carrot. I complained to the manager that I was healing from cancer and can only have organic chicken and that a plate of kale shouldn’t be $15.50. But he said he would not remove the $5 up-charge for chicken (which I did not have) because it took a lot of prep. What kind of restaurant serves a kale salad without a meatless option? Worst restaurant in Durango! Who scares off a customer over $5?
– Stuck in My Craw

Dear Hard to Swallow,
I don’t know how to solve your over priced kale conundrum, I mean, who goes out to eat and orders a kale and carrot salad? But I’ll try. Next time, just ask for the “rabbit special.” Or, do what everyone else does, and eat out of the City Market salad bar for free.
– The Diver


Dear Diver,
The other day, I passed by a construction zone and there were four guys standing around watching one guy shovel. Is this what our tax dollars pay for, to have one guy work and the other three cheer him on? I guess at the least there’s a good punchline in there somewhere.
– Street Walker

Dear Walkin’ Dude,
No, our tax dollars pay for cluster bombs, fighter jets and congressional gridlock.  Fractions of tax pennies pay for street workers, who, while lazy almost by tradition at this point, still face the real possibility of ignominious death by texting teen-age drivers.  I get nervous having to cross the street – imagine having to lean on a shovel in the middle of the road all day! Almost certain death! So, let’s cut ’em some slack … I mean, a bit more than they’ve already taken.
– Hopefully they take turns “supervising,” the Diver

Dear Diver,
With the shorter days and winter closing in, I am starting to get really depressed because I won’t be able to get off work and still get in a quickie afterwards. And mornings are just too darned cold and bleak. Please, diver, help me deal with the darkness.

Dear Sounds Awfully Depressed,
“Quickie” = bike ride, mmkay?  I’d rather not know otherwise.  Winter-wise, you’ve got a couple options: A) Man (or woman) up and go ride when it’s dark and/or cold, or B) Just pull the covers over your head and cry yourself fatter over the winter. Although many may opt for B, I’m advising you to choose A. Ever ride at night, or in the snow? It’s awesome.  Unfortunately I definitely don’t know of any bike shop in town that stocks tons of awesome fatbikes, lights, winter gear and motivation. That’s too bad – back to option B. Tissue?
– I moonlight at that bike shop, the Diver

In a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 3 Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488


In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows