Diver: K. P. Wiggins, DNF
Interesting fact: Gram for gram, chocolate frosting is more nutritious than Nutella

K.P. Wiggins, from DNF, loves going away on the weekends with contractor clowns.

Dear Diver,
A few years ago, my girlfriends and I went on a “chicks weekend.” To make a long story short, one of the girls who went on the trip is getting married and has asked us to take down the pictures we posted online of the trip so her fiance doesn’t see them. I think if she can’t share her past with him, than he’s not someone she should be spending the rest of her life with. For the record, the pictures are not lurid, scandalous or even all that interesting. What to do?
– Unfriended

Dear Unfriended,
First off a “chick’s weekend,” what is that? Was it a spa day with group mani pedis? Because it doesn’t sound like you had a Tijuana-themed weekend with Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud. Next question, if the pictures weren’t “lurid, scandalous or even all that interesting” why would you even post them? Seriously, isn’t Facespace, Mybook and G-plus all about posting disgraceful images? Maybe she’s embarrassed because these pictures aren’t wild enough. These images are clear evidence that she’s not as fun, cool or exciting as she has claimed to be and she is afraid to lose that shiny new diamond when her fiancé internet-stalks your “chick’s weekend.” Find the wild and crazy pictures she clearly wants, post them and tag away – she will thank you for it. Plus the future mother-in-law would love them for the couple’s slide show at the wedding reception.
– Re-friended, KP


Dear Diver,
I have been friends with this woman for quite some time. Recently, it’s been getting a little more serious and she wants me to meet her family. As if that’s not stressful enough, come to find out, they are all really big into clowns, as in dressing up, parades, conventions, miming, clown dolls, the whole nine yards. And she really wants me to visit during the annual clown convention in their Midwestern town and even has a costume for me. I am not afraid of clowns, but this whole thing seems a little creepy. Should I don the rainbow wig or run for the hills?
– Bozo’s Boyfriend

Dear Bozo’s Boyfriend,
First things first, this is clearly a woman who is very secure with herself – bonus. Yeah, she wants you to meet her family, her clown family! I personally run at the sight of clowns, but if I could go and stand in a room of clowns having a convention about clowns I would love it (and maybe die of terror). Besides when else would you have fun in the Midwest – never! B-e-l-i-e-v-e me. It’s also clear you’re missing the point, she likes costumes and role playing, it may not be the cool kind of role playing like LARP-ing in the park on the weekends, but hey it could lead to some fun in the bedroom or at the convention.
– Blood Elf Death Knight, Sukino

P.S. Beware of zombie clowns


Dear Diver,
So I hired this friend of mine to do carpentry/building work for me, and it has been a total nightmare. He is way behind schedule, over budget and if/when he bothers to show up, he’s always on the phone or shooting the shit or fiddling with his tools. At first I thought he was just really busy, but I suspect he’s a slacker. How do I fire him without it ruining our friendship? And worse, will I just end up with another slacker?
– Out of Order

Dear Out of Order,
Ah the lazy contractor… they are much like leeches. You have money, they don’t. They have time, you don’t. If he wasn’t your friend, I’d say fire his ass, chuck his tools in the Animas and say adios. Since he is your friend, bring him a nice refreshing cold beer, let him take a sip and right after he makes that “ah” sound whack it away, grab him by his shirt collar, stick his nose in the dirt and tell him “Look here buddy, you have a job to finish and I want it done right now!” You have to show him who’s the boss. Works something like that in wolf packs … yup.
– Run with the big dogs, KP


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