It seems like there is always a reason to drink in Durango. No sooner is Snowdown over then it’s Mardi Gras, followed by St. Patty’s. And it seems like once Taste of Durango hits it’s all downhill till ... well, Snowdown. Please give me some tips on pacing, as I am not very good at it and my liver already hates me.
– Bottleneck Bob

Dearest Bottleneck Bob,
My step-sister has a magnet that says “the liver is evil, it must be punished.” You might be friends. Durango is synonymous with drinking. We are a college town. Also, Durango has the highest number of breweries per capita in the nation (Durango Herald, May 2012). We are also home to many extreme-sports enthusiasts – who enjoy a drink or two. I say you’re only young once and if your liver hates you now, it will only get worse. As far as quality festivals go – the Animas River Parade is coming up; after which I suggest you take a sabbatical from the booze my friend.
– Locally brewed, Colorado Kim

Dear Diver,
Now that it’s June, I think it’s safe to plant my garden. Problem is, every year I end up getting a little carried away and end up planting way too much. Half of it ends up dying or come October, I am left with 500 bushels of rock hard green tomatoes and some weird, mutant squash. What’s the right mix for keeping it simple and having a successful summer growing season? Zucchini need not apply.
– Mary Mary

Oh Mary Mary,
OK, first question ... food doesn’t come from a grocery store? What! Just kidding – I grew up in a log cabin in the woods not too far from Bayfield and I do know from experience that a garden can be had successfully. Step 1, read the Farmer’s Almanac, get one – live by it. Step 2, do you go to the Farmer’s Market or Durango Natural Foods Co-op? Both are a great place for meeting farmers, creating community and perhaps learning how to properly plant your garden. If it’s all too much, check out one of our fine breweries or festivals. Say hi to Bottleneck Bob!
– Yours respectfully, The Zen-ning Zucchini

Dear Diver,
Well, I missed it again. The river has likely peaked for the season, and I have not been in my boat once. And it’s all my fault. Even though I know I’ll have fun and be fine once I get out there, I’m just a huge wuss and can’t bring myself to go, coming up with myriad excuses. What tricks does the Diver have for overcoming fear/apathy? Hypnosis? Meditation? Or am I just a hopeless sad sack who should sell my stuff and take up tubing?
– Shaking in my Cockpit

Dear Shaking in my Cockpit,
As of this writing, the lower Animas is at 4,730 cfs – with this rain, it may maintain long enough for you to put on your big boy pants and get munched by some massive waves. If you are afraid, you are rightly so, the river has been wreaking carnage. As for suggestions: meditation is meant more for enlightenment not boating – hypnosis however could lead to a moment in your life where you stop caring about your office job, destroy the office printer (the one that’s been giving you the PC load letter error) with your friends in a field while listening to “Still” by the Geto Boys. Stop making excuses and get out there! If you’re nervous, I suggest the slalom line. Or just sell your gear to me.
– Signed, No more TPS reports

In a sticky situation?