Dear Diver,
I just read that smoking too much pot can give you man boobs. But what if you’re a woman? Can smoking pot make your boobs bigger? Sure would be cheaper than a boob job. And a lot more fun.
– Looking for a Lift

Dear Looking for a Quick Fix,
Let’s get this straight, you’re telling us that all we have to do to get some mooboobs to play with is to get the husband to up his marijuana intake? Colorado truly is the land of milk and honey! Seriously though, where are you getting your medical information from? The back pages of a 1992 Sassy magazine next to the ad for “breast enhancing cream?” First off, chances are you’re beautiful just the way you are. And secondly, pot should be used to expand your mind not your body parts. Want a cheap alternative to admitting to the world that you have issues with yourself (we all do by the way)? Roll up a phatty and load your bra with some tube socks. Feelin’ good. Lookin’ good.
– Put it in the Air, the Callisters   

Dear Diver,
Now that the Olympics are over, I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. It seemed like a lot of the competitions were a joke. Take the mens long program in figure skating – every contestant wiped out at least once. And the guy who won the gold wiped out twice. It was like watching a “Saturday Day Night Live” skit. And don’t even get me started on the Swedish freeskier or the extremely portly bobsledder. Is this what the greatest athletic competition in the world has come to? A total mockery perpetrated by drama queens in sequins and little trolls wearing garbage bags and showing the world their britches?
–  Still Digging for the Gold

Dear That’s What She Said,
You’re disappointed!? Imagine training and pushing it for like 30 minutes a day for a couple of months, and then come to find out you can’t perform because Putin doesn’t agree with your lifestyle! And we were so going to be the next biathlon champions! But apparently ol’ Vladimir has issues with people like us, and when we say “like us” we mean loving and accepting of all smelly humans. We did get to meet a lot of wonderful folks during our time in the Olympic village and have some great memories! So many funny jokes, “wewnatrz dowcipy!” Sorry that’s an inside joke! Real talk, we didn’t get invested into the Olympics either ... normally there is something magical about the events; maybe because it was held in a country with (what some might call) a narrow-minded governmental system, just puts a downer on the whole thing. Maybe it’s old school for us, but we try and live by the golden rule.
– You’ll always have a gold medal in our hearts, the Callisters

Dear Diver,
There is this certain friend of mine who always yells when we’re talking. And the longer we talk, the louder she seems to get. I know she’s not drunk, is it a tactic to get me to go away or should I suggest she gets her hearing checked before she damages mine? And if so, how to go about it tactfully?
– Still Ringing

Dear Unsensitive to Those Who Might Have Tinnitus,
Gosh this would be a great question for Wildcat or Mr. Groth ... too bad you’re stuck with us. And we have very different opinions on how to deal with this situation. The dude of this duo believes the best way to confront loud noises is to become silent, almost a whisper. So the more octaves your friend gains, the more he would retreat; typical man. And the lady parts portion of this duo thinks the best way to deal with this is to inch closer and closer to their face, nose to nose. Heck if they’re going to make you uncomfortable might as well smell what they had for lunch. Oh the passive aggressive/ feng shui balancing act that is so important to any successful relationship … geez we could write a book on a happy healthy marriage, we’re so good.  We are pretty much perfect. Oh wait, we were supposed to be talking about your problem not accepting your friend because they have a hearing problem.
– Communicating your feelings verbally can be fun, the Callisters

In a sticky situation?