Ear to the ground:

“All I can say is thank god there weren’t camera phones when I was a teen-ager.”
– Former Sebastian Bach superfan discussing the ramifications of being a teen in the world of Instagram

Bust out the ‘nice’ Chacos

For a few days last fall, the town of Durango was poised on the edge of its dry box as three local kayakers went missing during a harrowing ordeal in the remote reaches of the Far East.

Brothers Nate and Matt Klema, and Ben Luck, all of Durango, along with fellow paddlers Charles King and Cooper Lambla, hit their SPOT emergency beacon high within Tajikistan’s Pamir mountains.

Unbeknownst to loved ones on the other side of the world, the expedition had been hiking over a 16,800-foot pass to reach the next river on their itinerary when Luck came down with extreme altitude sickness and hypothermia. Knowing they needed to get to lower ground immediately, the crew hit its distress signal, abandoned gear and began to descend.

What ensued was a frenzied few days of spotty communication and misinformation as loved ones desperately tried to differentiate fact from rumor. Eventually, the men were found alive and intact, dispelling fears of terrorist capture, broken bones or other epic carnage. Luck was evacuated by helicopter, and the rest continued with the expedition.

On Wed., March 5, the Klemas, Luck and fellow adventurer Matt Wilson, of Telluride, will recount tales of the epic 2013 expedition as well as other adventures and misadventures at the “Preposterous Whitewater Formal” at the Durango Discovery Museum.

 “It’s a story we want to share with the community,” Nate Klema said. “It’s these kind of stories that inspired me when I was young. But I’d also like to give a first-hand account of what happened – beyond what was reported in the news,” he added.

In addition to the 2013 expedition, which took them from the Altai Mountains of Russia, through Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan, and eventually Nepal, the men were also part of Wilson’s 2010 first descent of Peru’s Huallaga River. Under the unassuming name “Team Beer,” they embarked on the 300-mile tributary to the Amazon, which had stymied two prior expeditions with Class V drops, three unscoutable gorges and rumors of a 150-foot waterfall.

Alas, we don’t want to ruin all the surprises. To find out the fate of the 150-foot falls, how Team Beer came up with its name, or where the heck Tajikistan even is, show up Wednesday. “Formal attire is requested; dancing shoes are required,” Nate said.

We can only assume by “formal” he means “river formal,” in which case anything from sparkly ’80s prom dresses to leisure suits goes. But please, leave the stinky polypro at home.

The event is free and starts at 6 p.m.