Bruce, pretty, pretty Bruce.

Diver: Bruce, from the City Market sushi bar
Interesting Fact: Bruce Jenner became America’s most decorated Olympic decathlete only after a knee injury ended his football career

Dear Diver,
I am the mother of two young children, and I fear another is taking advantage of me. She always drops her kids over unannounced, says she just has to run out real quick, and then doesn’t come back for hours. Then, she regales me in stories of “how hard she’s working” and “how busy she is.” Needless to say, she never reciprocates, or even so much as sends her kids with a snack.
– Fed Up

Dear F’d Up,
In case you haven’t noticed, this great country of ours is in the process of raising a generation of wussies – you know, show up to soccer practice and get a trophy? In the spirit of the great Richard Simmons, next time she drops the tots, it’s time to implement kiddy boot camp – e.g., aerobics, burpies, crunches, medicine balls, suicides, whatever. And no snacks or water, as to avoid cramping. I suspect said kids will tell bum-mum they don’t want to come back. If not, you will at least be doing your part to toughen up these pasty millennial-xers.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
Six months ago, I sent in a rebate claim for a new microwave oven. I made sure to dot all my i’s and cross my t’s and I still have not seen my $20 check in the mail. I even double, triple checked everything to make sure it was right. Have I been had? Again?
– Steaming

Dear Steamer,
From the looks of your note, while you dotted all your i’s, you may not have cross(ed) all your t’s ... sheesh, who is your proofreader? Anyway, I suggest you quadruple check your warranty paperwork and get back to me.  In the meantime, try heating the refried beans in a small saucepan on your stove top. Once inserted with cheese into the tortilla, wrap it up and warm it in a skillet over medium heat. When heated through, dress with shredded iceberg, Pace picante and full-fat sour cream, to taste. It’ll take a few more minutes than the microwave, but you will feel far more rewarded when you tear into that thing.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
I have a co-worker who is overly chatty. It would be one thing if he was interesting in the least, but he just blathers on about completely inane stuff. I don’t want to be rude, but at the same time, I don’t care to hear all about his family game night or what he had for breakfast or the ball of lint he found in his belly button. Please - make him stop, I need to get some work done.
– Done Listening

Dear Done,
First off, in the eyes of the big boss, there is no such thing as “co-workers” – everyone has their individual rung on the company ladder. I don’t know for sure where you currently stand on that ladder relative to Chatty Cathy, but I’d venture to guess you are looking up his ass. Otherwise you would have told him to shut the hell up already. So, I’m afraid to say that until you “climb” past Cathy into the corner office for some peace and quiet, you’re just gonna have to smile and listen. Alternatively, you could pick select times to awkwardly respond to Cathy’s musings. This could make him less interested in using you as his drivel dumping ground. Some suggestions: how you’ve always thought his wife was hot, something insulting about his kids’ ability to play Candyland (or whatever board game they play), or that you’d like him to start bringing his lint balls into the office so you can add them to your lint ball collection.
– Diver