Diver: Puddin’ from Surya Health and Wellness
Interesting fact: Puddin’ enjoys yogurt in the mornings and she is missing a toe from her prior life, before she discovered Surya, most likely as a guard dog at an Albuquerque meth lab.

Puddin’ uses this look to convey sarcasm.

Dear Diver,
As a responsible dog owner and walker/hiker here in Durango, I have noticed a new trend. It’s bagging poop and leaving the bag there for someone else to pick up. While I applaud the effort of bagging it, it would seem to me you have just doubled an issue. Not only are you leaving poop, but also a plastic bag. The City of Durango has made it ridiculously easy to dispose of it properly. So, Diver, how do we break the cycle of this disturbing new trend? 
- Scoop Doggie Doo

Dear Scoop,
My owner, who always picks up after me when need be, agrees. This new trend is literally shit. I make a point to poop out of sight, well off-trail, behind scrub oaks or camouflaged near similarly colored rocks and sticks. No harm done. I encourage these lame and quite lazy dog owners, who can’t carry their lovable pet’s crap to the trash, to take some time and train their dog to be like me. And this goes for humans as well. Come on people! I was cruising to the far end of Buckley Park the other day for my lunch-time poop (properly disposed in the trash at the top of the hill) and ran into two human poops with scattered t.p. WFT? There’s some scarier issues going on here besides bags of dog poop. Which means realistically, the cycle is not going to break, and we are doomed. So in the meantime, give a homeless man a job and pay him to pick up the bags around town, this will keep him off the corner of Albertsons, and, poof, the bags will be gone. Case closed.
– Scoop Dog


Dear Diver,
So, these people I live with – I’ll call them my “roommates” –think they are freely entitled to use anything that’s mine. As if it’s not bad enough that I cook, clean, do laundry and grocery shop for them, but they also help themselves to my toothbrush. I try to explain that you can’t just go in and use any old toothbrush you find, and that doing so can spread germs and is not good hygiene or shared-bathroom etiquette, but they don’t seem to listen. What can I do - I feel a serious line has been crossed.
– Tooth unFairy


Dear Tooth unfairy,
If these “roommates” are your children, then sorry to say, you are SOL. You signed up for it, so just accept your fate. If they are not your children, then it’s time for new roommates. The only person you can change is yourself. If you can’t change, you can purchase some Ayurvedic toothpaste (you can find it downtown) and once the perp sees that slimy brown residue left in the bristles, they’re bound to stay off.
– Diver


Dear Diver,
I know in email language, all caps denotes anger or excitement. And then there’s various emoticons and shorthand for other stuff. But how to convey sarcasm? Italics? Or is there a special font I can use? I find people sometimes just aren’t “getting” me.
– Reading Between the Lines

Dear Anti-social,
If you want people to “get” you, get off email and continue your conversation over coffee. If you want to be sarcastic in writing, use backwards italics, it’s the new trend in France. Duh. Where the hell have you been?
– Diver

In a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 3 Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488
- telegraph@durangotelegraph.com


In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows