Diver: Alpe The Wonder Pup (official Raider Ridge Cafe mascot)
Interesting Facts: It is illegal for anyone in Zion, Ill., to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats and other domesticated animals kept as pets.

Dear Diver,
I still use Hotmail for one of my email addresses. My friends tell me that Hotmail is for “old people” – along with AOL. Is this true? I never thought of email servers as being something that mattered. And if so, what is considered a “young” email?
– Old Fart
Dear Dinosaur,
The fact that you are still using such an archaic form of communication as email suggests that you are writing us from the Sunshine Gardens. Get with the program old man! Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, the list goes on! It sounds like this whole “technology” thing might be a little much for you. What you really need to focus on is your image. Get yourself some skinny jeans, clunky black glasses, a beret and sport some well manicured whiskers. This will show you are at least on the cutting edge of fashion. If that doesn’t seal the deal, nothing screams “I’m young” like a sporty new convertible!
– Yours truly, Diver

Dear Diver,
I’ve been noticing a lot of hipsters around Durango lately, you know, skinny jeans on dudes, clunky black glasses, new and interesting facial hair styles, obscure T-shirts. I even saw a guy in a beret the other day. It’s beginning to look a lot like Portlandia. Has style finally come to what was once called the “worst-dressed town in America?”
– Durangotang

Dear ‘Tang,
First of all, you must remember to never look a hipster in the eye. But fear not hipster-phobe, this whole thing is just a fad. While it is clear the hipsters have spread to our humble town, you can rest assured we will always be the worst-dressed town in America. Long after the cool kids in Portland and all the other trendy towns have moved on to fresher styles and fashions, the people of Durango will still be sporting their “hipster” attire: Chacos, Carhartts, plaid flannel, dreadlocks, tie dyes, yoga pants (that leave little to the imagination), and Bob Marley/Grateful Dead T-shirts. For now, to avoid unnecessary contact with the hipsters, simply steer clear of any (the only) record shops, coffee shops, tattoo parlors, or the Summit on any given night.
– Don’t Fear the Hipster, Diver

Dear Diver,
First Richie Havens dies, then George Jones! Bad news always comes in threes - what icon of American music will be next? I don’t think I can take it ... .
– Vinyl Vern

Vern,
Since tragedy does often beget further tragedy, someone should please keep a watchful eye on Neil Diamond! Since the Boston Marathon bombing, Neil’s record sales have skyrocketed. In some strange twist of fate, this New Yorker has become one of Boston’s favorite sons. Now everyone sings “Sweet Caroline” at the Sox games as if Carl Yastrzemski himself had written the song. But I digress... I guess it really doesn’t matter which rocker dies as long as it doesn’t inspire another long-winded, folksy tune by Don McLean that is repeated once an hour on just about every radio station imaginable.
– Cheerfully, The Diver