Diver:  The crew from Animas Trading
Interesting facts: The average person eats eight to 10 bugs a year in their sleep.

Dear Diver,
Is it possible for hippies to be neat? My friend claims she is a hippie, but that she is also clean and neat. I say “neat hippie” is an oxymoron – it is inherently impossible. By their very nature, hippies are dirty, or “earthy” (just for the record, I consider myself in the latter camp.) Does such a thing as a tidy, clean hippie exist?
– Dirty Dave

Dear Dirty Dave,
Tidy, clean hippies don’t come around often, but when they do, it is a rare occurrence and you should feel lucky that you are in the presence of one! No, they are not extinct, just very hard to find. You can normally sniff one out with a strong scent of patchouli mixed with a subtle scent of Clorox bleach. However, when you do come across one, make sure that you don’t mistake them for the classic “dirty hippie”– they take great offense to that label. “Neat hippies” may sound like an oxymoron but a hippie is a hippie (and we think all hippies are pretty neat!)
– Diver

Dear Diver,
If your neighbor suddenly puts up an 8-foot fence, should you be worried that they don’t like you?
– Troubled in Tupperware Heights

Troubled,
Did any pungent smells correspond with the building of this tall fence? Your neighbor may be holding out on you and growing some new plants. Perhaps it’s not that they don’t like you but that you were throwing out some up-tight vibes. Our advice is to turn up the SCI, stop mowing your lawn and hope your neighbor will share the wealth!
– Diver

Dear Diver,
I think my husband may be a hoarder, but I’m not sure. Is there some sort of “statute of limitations” on stuff? How long does a pile of old crap have to sit there before it is officially deemed “excess baggage?” Do we really still need socks and T-shirts from 1985? I say it only creates stress and anxiety but am having trouble convincing him.
– Pack Rat’s Wife

 

Mrs. Pack Rat,
Sounds like you are looking for more closet/drawer space. Let your husband know that he is sitting on a gold mine! Haul everything to our local flea market and the hipsters will come a buyin. Your husband will meet cool new friends and you can take the cash and buy some flirty new summer dresses. Sounds like a win-win for everyone!
– Diver