Val, from DMR, queen of the zip and lift.
Diver: Val Van Kirk
Interesting facts: Lift Operations Supervisor/Zip Line Supervisor at Purgatory

Dear Diver,
I am really worried about the flu epidemic sweeping the country. I neglected to get a flu shot last fall, because I’m not sure I really believe in them. Now I wished I would have, but I fear it’s too late. What tips does the Diver have for staving off the dreaded contagion?
– Hypo Hugh

Dear Sicky person,
Wash your damned hands! Again and again and again. Hand sanitizer is a plus, use it! Try to stay away from sick people hang outs like Wal-Mart, doctor’s offices or child care centers. If you are unable to avoid these, then you need to add chewable vitamin C and pickled garlic into your diet. Don’t share a bottle with sick people. As far as flu shots go, I have always been on the fence, I would rather take real shots with nonsick people. Use the hand sanitizer buddy!
– Diver

Dear Diver.
Is it OK to use the gift certificates my kids got for Christmas to buy stuff for myself and/or the household? They’ll never miss it, plus it all goes into the same pot anyway.
– Mommy Guilt

Dear Guilty Momma,
You’re the mother, that’s why you get to use those cards how you see fit! Getting gift cards as a kid is about as exciting as getting sweaters and socks, functional and warm but not very fun to open on Christmas. Plus these are giving back to the household, score for everyone involved. Make sure you have those little buggers write out thank you cards and don’t feel guilty, it’s the American way.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
A friend of mine invited me over for dinner, and I went and became deathly ill afterward, and I suspect severe food poisoning as the culprit. Everytime he asks me when I’m coming over again, I can’t bring myself to tell him he damned near killed me and give an excuse about “being busy” or “having to work.” Obviously, I can’t keep evading him forever, what should I do? I’m sure it was just an isolated incident, but you never know ...
– Lying out of both ends

Dear Poopy pants,
This could go two ways: first you are doing him a huge favor by letting him know that food poisoning is no fun any time of year. If he is true friend, he should be owe you big time, and doing everything in his power to make sure this doesn’t happen again to anyone! Or have you wronged him in the past? Or this could be karma, and karma is shitty sometimes.
– Diver

In a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 25 Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488
- telegraph@durangotelegraph.com
 
 

 

 

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows