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| Julian Misliuc’s ceramic sculpture, “A Safe Container,” was inspired by the support provided by the Mankind Project, which strives to help men achieve personal growth. Based on the principles of 20th century American writers like Joseph Campbell and Robert Bly, the goal is to “redefine what it means to be a powerful man” in modern society./Photo by Steve Eginoire |
Channeling the wild man
Man Kind Project allows men to embrace inner selves
Young Men’s Circle offers place to be heard
by Page Buono
For some men, it started with a nudge – a desire for a change in their life, a change in themselves. For some it was sought out of desperation and for others curiosity. For whatever reason, hundreds of Durango men of all ages, backgrounds, ethnicities, sexual orientations and economic levels have joined the Man Kind Project (MKP).
For some men, it started with a nudge – a desire for a change in their life, a change in themselves. For some it was sought out of desperation and for others curiosity. For whatever reason, hundreds of Durango men of all ages, backgrounds, ethnicities, sexual orientations and economic levels have joined the Man Kind Project (MKP).
A 27-year-old peer-mentoring organization, MKP now has more than 40,000 chapters worldwide. It was started by three men in the ’80s who were heavily influenced by 20th century American writers Joseph Campbell and Robert Bly, among others within the so-called mythopoetic men’s movement. The program includes a weekend workshop or initiation, followed by weekly support groups and additional trainings in personal growth. The goal is to redefine what it means to be a powerful man.
“I used to think I was not enough,” said local MKP veteran Chance Taureau, 36. “Now it’s like I am almost too much.”
Taureau, like many of the men who have become involved in MKP, says it helped him develop more awareness, confidence, compassion, empathy, accountability and integrity.
The process begins most often with a visit to an integration group (referred to as “i-groups” or circles). Men are invited by friends, bosses, counselors or acquaintances and, after having visited an i-group, sign up for the New Warrior Training Weekend (NWTA). Although the weekend costs $675 on average, Matt Kelly, center Director for MKP Durango, said the organization never wants funds to stop men from participating, and scholarships are available.
The founding of Durango’s MKP community is largely attributed to Drew Semel, owner of IlluminArts Photography. Semel originally took part in a Warrior Weekend in Santa Fe in 1998 upon the recommendation of a friend. When he returned home, Semel felt the “high” many men describe, paired with a strong desire to cultivate the same kind of connection in Durango. Semel reached out to friends, and when they returned from their weekend, they were hooked.
Since 1998, the MKP community in Durango has grown to more than 100 active members, and somewhere between 200 and 300 men have attended the Warrior Weekends or been involved at various points.
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| Local Man Kind Project participant Bill Stanley, right, holds his infant son, Jack, and talks about his positive experiences with the group while fellow member Tim Smith listens on. /Photo by Steve Eginoire |
Bill Stanley, 53, got involved in 2005. He was in his mid 40s when he recognized that his way of coping with challenges in his life was no longer working.
“My software was failing,” Stanley said. “The whole world was Windows, and I was still running DOS.”
In the midst of a divorce, Stanley asked a counselor for resources and was steered to MKP. At first, Stanley said he thought the experience was “a little on the touchy feely side.” Stanley said.
When his counselor responded, “so, what you’re telling me is you don’t want to be touched or felt?” Stanley said his first reaction was to tell him “to go to hell.
“But really, it was insight into how I had learned to survive as a man by stuffing my emotions,” recalled Stanley, who has been active in MKP ever since.
“This,” Stanley said, pointing to his wiggly 6-month-old son, Jack, “this wouldn’t have happened without MKP because this,” he said, pointing to his wife, “this wouldn’t have happened either.”
However, the Man Kind Project is not without challenges and criticisms from both inside and outside the organization.
The loudest critics, who voice their opinions on various websites, allege the group is a cult and say leaders have no psychological training, meetings are exclusive and certain tactics make them uncomfortable. Many women have concerns over “women-bashing” intimate details about private relationships being shared with others.
Although there is a lot of confidentiality about what goes on over the weekend, the organization is becoming more transparent about its process. However, MKP members say there is reason behind the mystery.
“It wouldn’t really serve men to know going in,” said local MKP member Craig Harris. “If I would have known, maybe I wouldn’t have done it or I would have constructed some sort of defense.”
Carson Hansen, 29, attended the training a few years back on a recommendation from his boss.
“It’ll definitely make guys uncomfortable,” Hansen said. While Hansen said he benefitted from the weekend, he chose not to become involved.
Harris said that flexibility is one nice feature of the organization. “It’s always there if you want it, and if you don’t want to go, nobody is going to force you,” he said.
While the weekend is a big component of MKP, men say the majority of work is done in the small circles that meet once a week. The circles are viewed as containers – held with strict confidentiality to create a safe space for the men involved.
“By having a safe space for men, I am able to make my personal space a safe space for men and women; loved ones and strangers,” said Tim Birchard, 45, who just returned two weeks ago from the weekend workshop.
A number of men in the MPK community spoke about the wild energy in men, a reference to Bly’s Iron John: A book About Men. When the energy of the wild man is not channeled, it can come out sideways or in harmful ways.
“It’s a risky thing,” Tim Smith, 39, said of the weekend. “But it’s also risky to be walking around with all those layers of protectiveness on without knowing they’re there. Men wind up hurting people without even knowing it.”
But Taureau, who has been involved for nine years and staffed nearly 50 trainings, sees room for growth.
One of Taureau’s concerns is the lack of diversity in the curriculum (written by affluent, white, middle-aged males) and the MKP community at both the local and national level. Despite this, the age of men participating locally ranges from 18-83.
Those under 18 can participate in the Boys-to-Men branch of MKP, or sit in the Young Men’s Group offered once a week.
“It is easier to raise healthy boys then to fix broken men,” Kelly said.
Local Vietnam vet Rick Huttner, 63, said he had reached a point where he’d stopped seeing human beings as human beings – a feeling he can trace back as far as 1963, when he was in Vietnam. On a return to base one day, a Vietnamese civilian flagged down his Jeep, asking them to help a man whose leg had been nearly blown off in a land mine. Huttner said he remembers aiding the man, and being angry that he wasn’t going to make it back to base in time for a hot meal and a shower.
Upon coming home to a country where he was not only misunderstood but disliked, Huttner shut down. When he found out about MKP years ago, Huttner was looking for a change.
“At the time I thought maybe I was too late in my life,” Huttner said. “Now I think it’s maybe the best thing I’ve done.”
The women in these men’s lives run the gauntlet of responses – some uncomfortable with the secrecy, others urging their men to become more involved, and others becoming involved in the MKP branch for women, Women Within.
“There have been times when I’ve had an issue with the confidentiality,” Angie Stanley, Bill’s wife, said. “I’ve been jealous and threatened by the level of confidence he holds toward these men … but ultimately the fact that he holds confidentiality in the highest regard makes me respect him and the group more.”
Stanley, as well as others, said they understand their partners’ frustration but see their ability to be better husbands, lovers, partners and friends as directly linked to MKP.
“A world full of men who take responsibility for our actions? A world full of men who invite our fellow men to hold us accountable? A world full of men who recognize honesty, vulnerability, compassion, love, commitment, honor and service to something bigger than our own selves? That has the potential to change the world for the better. To end intergenerational cycles of abuse. To end wars. To promote healing, love, and acceptance. This is a game changer,” Birchard said.
For more information about MKP locally, contact Matt Kelly, 749-0644 or matt.kelly.durango@gmail.com. Or check out the MKP New Mexico chapter, www.mkpnm.org.
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