Diver: Ultracat
Interesting facts: Alexandar Bain invented the facsimile machine in 1842. Quite the interesting fax, no?

Dear Diver,
When does the statute of limitations run out for making New Year’s resolutions? I still haven’t really made any and a friend of mine claims once you hit Fat Tuesday, it’s all over.  What’s the diver’s ruling?
– Unresolved
Dearest Resoloser,
I wouldn’t worry about resolutions. If you can’t manage to figure out a New Year’s resolution by the new year, you don’t have much hope. It’s like trying to figure out which “flavor” of Pop-Tart to eat for breakfast. If you haven’t figured it out by noon, it doesn’t matter which flavor you choose. It’s no longer breakfast. It’s lunch. Just go for the red-colored filling, then apologize to yourself for eating Pop-Tarts for lunch. Then apologize to yourself for eating Pop-Tarts at all. Remember, you can not fail if you do not try.
– The Diver

Dear Diver,
What is up with people who drive under the speed limit? I can see if the roads are bad or it’s Sunday and you’re an old gramma on your way to church, but it seems like every day there is someone who pulls out in front of me on Florida Road and proceeds to drive at least 10 mph below the posted speed limit (which is only 35 mph). How do I get these people to pick up the pace? Tailgating is not working and only seems to make them go slower.
– Sammy
Speed Bump Sammy,
Why the heck do we have speed limits anyway? Why is the government telling us how to drive our own vehicles? They’re not telling us how fast we can go ... they’re telling us how fast we can’t go. Oh sweet murder, and what about the lanes?! Telling you what SIDE you have to be on?! That forest-green Subaru hatchback you drive was built with a lust for speed and open road. It can’t be pigeon-holed into one crippling slow lane like a ... like a hole pigeon! And being forced to drag along at a vomit-inducing 25mph past all those churches, schools, children, crosswalks, bicyclists and joggers ... it’s insultingly oppressive! It’s time for a revolution! It’s time for you to join together with those guys in their giant “No bro I’m not compensating” trucks who speed up and down Main. Or, you can chill the flip out. I mean c’mon. It adds 2 minutes to your commute, tops. It’s not the apocalypse. Don’t be such a pigeon hole (if you know what I mean.)
– The Diver

Dear Diver,
My husband insists on wearing his old ski jacket from 1980. I know this kind of “retro” stuff is hip among the 20-somethings, but for me, it’s just embarrassing. Plus, it has lost all water resiliency and smells like something died, especially when it gets wet. I got him a brand new jacket, but he refuses to wear it, saying he’s afraid to “wreck” it. Please help me help him get with the times. I would even settle for the ’90s at this rate.
–Wife of Fashion Disaster
Dear Way to Have Your Husband’s Back,
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I do know how to look up behavioral psychology on Wikipedia. This isn’t about water resiliency or liner decay. This is about clinging to the past. Holding on to the “good ole days” and not letting go. What you need to do is take his hand and lovingly tell him life isn’t going to get any better. Every day is one day closer to death. It’s all going to ship wreck and he might as well be wearing a nice jacket on the way down. Also, the 1980s sucked ... why would you cling to anything from that decade?
– The Diver