Dear Diver,
Lately, when I’m watching sports or news shows, I seem to be seeing a lot of catheter commercials. It used to be Viagra, has the TV watching demographic turned the corner from impotence to incontinence? Or is it because they’re too lazy to get up from the TV to actually go to the restroom? What gives? This is the first I’ve heard of this new epidemic.
– Peter

Dear Petered Out,
TV commercials? Really sir, you are dating yourself with this question. Does your TV have a knob that changes the channels, too? Apparently your aging eyes have failed to notice that there are high tech remote controls that will skip commercials so you do not get brainwashed into thinking that you need that catheter ... Or do you? Perhaps you should stop worrying about how “the times have changed” and give yourself a little TLC.
– Yours Truly, Diver Diva

Dear Diver,
I just started a new job, and no sooner do I get a Facebook request from my boss. Isn’t there some sort of unspoken code that bosses don’t follow their employees’ personal lives? I don’t want him to think I’m hiding anything, but I also need to convey that I have no interest in being FB “buds.” How to sidestep this awkward situation?
–  Call me Dilbert

Dear Dumbo,
What are you so afraid of? Your boss is probably a totally awesome guy and wants to have an honest and transparent working relationship with you. You obviously DO have something to hide don’t you? You may want to rethink whether you are appropriate for your new job. Quite frankly, your crack addiction and S&M habits will reveal themselves in due time and may possibly affect your work performance. Better to leave now while you still have your dignity and move to a place that has not yet discovered Facebook. If all else fails just move to the land where anything’s possible ... Las Vegas!
– Bon Voyage! Diva Diver

Dear Diver,
My husband has taken it upon himself to teach our young son how to relieve himself outside. While I agree this might be useful in certain outdoors situations, he is now going “hanging it out” at inopportune and inappropriate times in public: in the park, back yard, alleyways, etc. I am worried the neighbors are going to think we’re heathens without indoor plumbing. How to I stop the leak, so to speak?
– Looking for Relief

Dear Mrs. Prissy Pants,
Don’t get your panties in such a wad over this: Anyone would agree that having the skill to relieve oneself outdoors is extremely important, especially in this outdoor haven that we call Durango. Kudos to your husband for teaching your son this lesson at such a young age! Your camping, rafting and skiing trips just got much easier. While other, less astute parents plead with their crying child to “go potty!” behind a tree, you can smugly smile while your child prodigy proudly relieves himself off the boat. Warning: The next lesson will obviously be number 2 outdoors – you may want to give the neighbors a heads up.
– Best of luck, D.D.

In a sticky situation?