Diver:  Guy Winzenread, Minion at 360Durango.com

Interesting fact:  You should always “suck in the gut” before a photo is snapped. Especially, if you are wearing a “borrowed” cape from a restaurant lost and found. (Whatever, it’s my cape now.)

 

 

Dear Party Raider,

You might have lost me at “social more." That is the point of these local charities, more social. It isn’t the fact that there are literally thousands of different ways to get the dough for “the greater good." There is simply not a more fun and/or more effective way to raise funds. Your wife is always going to think you are weird, and she will be right. Others will not notice, they are too wrapped up in the “more." You will still have fun and score deals. See you at the next function. Also, I am currently accepting donations for the Gentleman’s Underprivileged Youth.

– G.U.Y.

 

Dear Sauc-pocalypse,

Natural preservation rules apply to your complex: Don’t be wasteful. You can always ask for less, or none at all, and use the drawer stash. Service people will do the opposite of your request, if you do ask your preference. That is just how “service” works. Indeed some expire, so always read the fine print.  Ketchup ages like fine wine, something about the vinegar. Have you ever heard of a place called “Whataburger”? Their ketchup is the best. Sixty years ago someone ordered 100,000 ketchup packs with the company logo and accidentally added a zero to the order. The company was forced to shelf the extra, as not to waste. They now order in advance and temp/humidity control the storage facility to properly “season” the ketchup. That facility is hidden in Texas and is so secure, that not even zombies could break in.

– It could be true…

P.S. Zombies might be fooled by “fake blood” created with sauce, but we will have to wait and see.

 

 

Dear Unhappy Camper,

A) Buying the “best gear” means you WANT your friends to borrow it. Don’t sweat the small stuff, especially when you can plan “work-a-rounds." As a prepared camper, you take a first aid kit among other safety/survival kits with you (condiments). B) Add plastic welding patch kits to your gear. As for the lousy friends of yours: if they ruin your paco, get a new one but keep the old one. It will make a perfect “loan-able ringer” to your other crappy friends.

– Sweaty Small Stuff  ß (achievement: worst sign-out in diver history)

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In a sticky situation?