Diver:  Glen Shoemaker
Interesting facts: Can’t remember the last time he felt this powerful.

Dear Diver,
I have two friends who are both socially awkward, but they do no know each other. My question: if I introduced them, do you think they’d get along? Or would it just be doubly awkward?
– Match Maker
Dear Cupid,
Being socially awkward is most likely more common than you think. Why do you suppose the internet is so popular? It’s a magical place where you can voice unsubstantiated opinions backed up by dubious “facts” regardless of the truth, combined with a picture of a cat making a funny face or atheist propaganda, all the while remaining anonymous. POOF! Not awkward anymore! Chances are your socially awkward friends already lead a rich cyberlife in the World of Warcraft or on Facebook. Should you introduce them? Only if you want to be responsible for minutes of crushing, uncomfortable lack of conversation that seems like eternity at the bottom of a well. Perhaps you should introduce them to each other through your Facebook page.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
It is possible for cats to be vegans? My cat is lukewarm to dairy, meat and eggs, but loves veggies and fruit. Could it be he has a higher consciousness than I’m aware of? Or do I just have a particular puss?
– Tom

Dear Stray,
Is it possible that you are projecting your own need to not eat things with faces or their byproducts onto your cat? Most likely he is bloated from a diet of songbirds and mice. Which come to think of it, are both free range meats, so maybe you are onto something with the consciousness bit. Also you may be spending too much time with your cat. I say go meet that girl that your friend is trying to introduce you to. Who cares that you are socially awkward.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
Why is it that you no longer have to dial a “1” when making long distance calls on cell phones, but you still have to do it when dialing on a land line? And while we’re at it, how come you need area codes for local calls on cell phones, but not with local calls on land lines?
– Wires Crossed

Dear not positive you’re negative,
It’s because cell phones and land lines are different. DUH! Is this something you really think about? If it is, there may be a job in a Washington think tank for you; those guys are all about making an  inordinate amount of noise about nonissues. Maybe a perfect fit. Also, that party you got invited to.... you should go there’s a guy you should meet, he’s got a vegan cat and I know you will get along famously.
– Diver