Ear to the ground:
“It’s like a half-naked feeding frenzy.”
– Overheard recently at a local clothing swap

In the crosshairs
Durango has made the headlines again, albeit fictitious ones.
A decidedly satirical article this week in the San Carlos (Calif.) Patch, told the story of “Rocky Mountain State University” in Durango being touted as the safest college campus in America, according to pro-gun group “Students for Concealed Carry.”

The article goes on to quote “Parsons Wyatt,” the Dean of Admissions at Rocky Mountain State, as saying, “We are proud to be recognized by an organization that knows how important guns are in keeping students safe on college campuses.”

The article, an obvious lampoon on allowing concealed weapons on college campuses, goes on to tout RMSU’s new “glossy brochure” that is sent out to high school students nationwide proclaiming the school’s 119 student organizations dedicated to safe gun ownership and how every new student gets a dozen free boxes of ammo when they move into the dorms.

Feeling safe is not the same thing as being safe, Students for Concealed Carry argue on their nonexistent website – a sentiment that Wyatt agrees with. “Students come to RMSU because they are safe,” he postulates. “Plus we have 33 gun ranges on campus to keep their shooting accurate.”

Although obviously phony, the article was suspiciously on the money in some regards, asserting that with spectacular views of some of Colorado’s 14,000 foot peaks, the campus is no stranger to wildlife.

“A bear is a wild animal and can’t be reasoned with or stopped by a book bag,” Wyatt says. “But a student who knows how to handle a handgun properly can put that bear down with little problem.”

As for those anti-gun carrying students, such as “Paige Berry,” president of Keep Weapons off Our Campus, Wyatt said such students are only extending an invitation to criminals everywhere to come hurt good people.

Alas, the piece managed to punk more than a few readers, resulting in a flurry of confused comments. The story’s writer, Vincent Ware (at least that’s what he claimed), cleared the gunsmoke.

“As many of you no doubt realize, the piece is satire. While there is no Rocky Mountain State University at Durango, I think it would be a fine name for a school in Colorado. This piece was not meant to be news as much as it was a satirical take on a real issue – guns on college campuses.”

While the piece did elicit a few chuckles at Telegraph WHQ, no word on whether the higher-ups at Fort Lewis College found it funny.

The see the article in its entirety, go to: http://sancarlos.patch.com/articles/safest-college-campus-in-america#comments_list