Diver: Kyle Douglass
Interesting facts: Kyle “dives” at the Glacier Club, where he gets his Zen on raking sand in the bunkers

Dear Diver,
A few weeks ago, what appeared to be a stray cat started hanging around our house. He seemed pretty friendly, so one day we let him in to hang out for a while. Anyway, I woke up the next morning to discover that one of my roommates had fed him. Now, of course, the cat won’t leave. We have all grown pretty attached to him and vice versa. Only problem is, I have a sneaking suspicion he may belong to the neighbors. Does this make us catnappers?
– Keeping the cat in the bag

Dear Nappers,
This shady business definitely classifies you as catnappers, a type as evil, sneaky and ferocious as the felines they are known to nap. Once my dog was napped by neighbors, but loving the animal as much as we did we quickly found this out and recovered the animal. If the neighbors haven’t missed the thing enough to notice it at your house then, the animal is yours by default, enjoy!
– Diver

Dear Diver,
At least once a week on my bike commute to work, I seem to encounter the same guy in a big diesel pickup who takes great pleasure in crop-dusting me with noxious fumes. It may seem ridiculous, but I am starting to take it personally. What sort of revenge do you suggest?
– Fuming in Durango

Dear Fuming,
It is a shame such a responsible commuter is being treated with such a lack of respect. They say the best revenge is living well, so perhaps a simple wave and smile could turn the tables. However, I find this unlikely. What first comes to mind is a handful of tacks for the road or pennies for the truck...
– Diver
Dear Diver,
A friend of mine lent me a VHS tape of his a few years ago of some show he said I really needed to watch. Anyway, I never got around to it and forgot all about it. The other day, I was cleaning out the closet and came across the tape. What is the statue of limitations for something like this? Should I give it back and admit I never watched it and risk potentially damaging our friendship? Or should I just throw it away and play dumb if he ever brings it up again?
– Stuck on Pause

Dear Stuck,
Considering it’s VHS, you did him a favor, remember waiting for rewind? The statue of limitations on this sort of thing is probably twice as long as your friend pestered you about it, so you’re likely fine there. I would present the tape as a gift, and if they are even interested in a VHS, much less recognize its content, it will be something nice and funny to look back on. If your friendship is damaged over something as worthless as a VHS, then good riddance to someone as worthless as the tape itself!
– Diver

In a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 25 Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488
- telegraph@durangotelegraph.com



In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows