Divers: Drew, Martin and Asa from Second Ave. Sports
Interesting Facts: Anything is edible if chopped finely enough

Dear Diver,
I was recently was on a very packed flight from Denver to the Midwest and it was a smaller plane. Needless to say, we were packed in like circus clowns but fortunately, it wasn’t a long flight (less than 2 hours). Of course, the clown in front of me saw it necessary to put his seat back into full recline mode, leaving me barely enough room to read let alone get claustrophobic. Doesn’t common courtesy and the unspoken rule of air travel dictate that you only recline your seat during overnight flights or those longer than 4 hours?
– A Little Too Friendly

Dear Friendly,
You ask that in this economy? I suppose next you’ll expect a cigarette after going through security and a little gropage from the old TSA. Less than two hours means it was within an acceptable driving distance and the guy right in front of you was just getting his money’s worth. So after all of the above, an ambien might put you in the right frame of mind to recline your seat and enjoy the hour and a half of hell that everyone else is managing. Or the other option ... just suck it up, suck it down and show up at your destination more banged up than when you left.
– Divers

Dear Diver,
What is the real reason cyclists shave their legs? Is it for aerodynamics, safety in case of road rash or because they not-so secretly like the feel of their own soft, silky skin? Please help demystify this longstanding mystery.
– Knee’d to Know

Dear Legs,
In the spirit of zen, I’ll answer a question with a question. What does a cyclist use for birth control? Answer: since the rise of Lance, statistically and unofficially, they have often turned to their personalities. Winter is coming and everyone loves to cuddle, just saying...
– Divers

Dear Diver,
Now that the big bike race is over, why does FLC still have the giant sign up on the hillside above town? Have they now resorted to trying to recruit students from outer space?
– Phone Home

Dear ET,
If it’s the banner that you’re worried about, you might want to look more closely at the budget. At least gigantic banners convey a message louder than the Labor Day Harley hawgs and cut backs, especially centered around both faculty and staff at ol’ Fort Lou. Sweeping stuff under the “banner” is really the best way to receive incoming freshmen that haven’t experienced the inconvenient truth of education being sacrificed for a bigger carbon footprint.
– Divers

In a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 25 Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488
- telegraph@durangotelegraph.com
 
 

 

 

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows