Di
ver: A(aron), A(ndy) and Max
Interesting facts: While they have binders full of steps, sadly only one woman
Dear Diver,
I know a watched pot never boils, but is the same true of toasters and microwaves?
– Old Wife
ver: A(aron), A(ndy) and MaxInteresting facts: While they have binders full of steps, sadly only one woman
Dear Diver,
I know a watched pot never boils, but is the same true of toasters and microwaves?
– Old Wife
Dear Wifey,
First of all it’s a very bad idea to boil a toaster or a microwave, if you absolutely have to, unplug them first. Now, you don’t have to watch a microwave, a very wise man invented the “ding” to alleviate the problem. Toasters (at least most of them) don’t have a “ding” installed. Watch a toaster all you want and see what comes up. If your Hot Pocket just won’t cook, eat it cold.
– Divers
Dear Diver,
Now that it’s almost Halloween, does that mean its time for me to throw away my leftover Easter candy? My mom always told me old candy could give you worms, but everything seems to be pretty tightly sealed up and I hate to waste perfectly good sugar.
– Candy Hoarder
Dear Hoarder,
Your mom is silly. We came up with some ideas to use up your leftover candy.
1.) Eat it all at once, if you get diabetes Obamacare covers preexisting conditions.
2.) You could make a nice batch of candy soup. Feed it to the kids, let them wash it down with Pepsi-Cola and watch them go. If we’re wrong and you do get worms we would advise you to go fishing.
– Divers
Now that it’s almost Halloween, does that mean its time for me to throw away my leftover Easter candy? My mom always told me old candy could give you worms, but everything seems to be pretty tightly sealed up and I hate to waste perfectly good sugar.
– Candy Hoarder
Dear Hoarder,
Your mom is silly. We came up with some ideas to use up your leftover candy.
1.) Eat it all at once, if you get diabetes Obamacare covers preexisting conditions.
2.) You could make a nice batch of candy soup. Feed it to the kids, let them wash it down with Pepsi-Cola and watch them go. If we’re wrong and you do get worms we would advise you to go fishing.
– Divers
Dear Diver,
My husband just came up with what he thought was a wonderful idea of taking the family to Las Vegas over Thanksgiving break. I fairly abhor the place and am not so sure I want my kids (8 and 10) being exposed to that scene - particularly my son, who’s rapidly approaching that “age.” My husband keeps insisting it’s totally family friendly, like “Disney Land” in the desert, and that rates are cheap, but I say anywhere you can blow your life savings in a single night or see giant trucks driving up and down the main drag with scantily-clad ladies plastered on the side doesn’t exactly scream “family fun.” How can I convince him we’d be better off somewhere less “smutty?”
– Smut Police
Dear Smut Police,
We think you’re wrong. At least the creepy old men in Vegas don’t dress up as Mickey Mouse and then try and touch your kids. There are plenty of amusements in Vegas, take the kids on a rollercoaster. A nice walk at Red Rocks is always good, too. Food is cheap, and you’ll all just love Circus Circus. You don’t have to gamble in Vegas, just have a wonderful time. Oh, tell your husband he owes us $50.
– Divers
My husband just came up with what he thought was a wonderful idea of taking the family to Las Vegas over Thanksgiving break. I fairly abhor the place and am not so sure I want my kids (8 and 10) being exposed to that scene - particularly my son, who’s rapidly approaching that “age.” My husband keeps insisting it’s totally family friendly, like “Disney Land” in the desert, and that rates are cheap, but I say anywhere you can blow your life savings in a single night or see giant trucks driving up and down the main drag with scantily-clad ladies plastered on the side doesn’t exactly scream “family fun.” How can I convince him we’d be better off somewhere less “smutty?”
– Smut Police
Dear Smut Police,
We think you’re wrong. At least the creepy old men in Vegas don’t dress up as Mickey Mouse and then try and touch your kids. There are plenty of amusements in Vegas, take the kids on a rollercoaster. A nice walk at Red Rocks is always good, too. Food is cheap, and you’ll all just love Circus Circus. You don’t have to gamble in Vegas, just have a wonderful time. Oh, tell your husband he owes us $50.
– Divers
In a sticky situation?
Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 25 Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488
- telegraph@durangotelegraph.com
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 25 Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488
- telegraph@durangotelegraph.com
In this week's issue...
- January 25, 2024
- Bagging it
State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies
- January 26, 2024
- Paper chase
The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.
- January 11, 2024
- High and dry
New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows