More mergoat facts surface
To the editor,
This just in from A.R.T. Headquarters, which has recently been relocated to a secret location in the fabled and historic tunnels under our fair city of Durango. Our emergency relocation is due to the numerous threats of a grievous nature to top members of A.R.T. One of our undercover researchers has uncovered critical evidence that had been covered up by an as-yet unnamed person, or persons, whose actual purpose in the initial cover up has yet to be uncovered.

However, the covers have been pulled, and a direct connection will somehow be established between our local mergoat infestation and the recent Bigfoot sightings near the Old Schoolhouse as well as the UFO landing and abduction of Silverton Mayor Stu Rasmussenin. And of course, this will all tie into the news filtering in from Butte, Mont., where a group of college students has recently been found slaughtered in a popular spelunking cave known as “Betsy’s Mistake.”

The one terribly maimed survivor told our Butte correspondent that his group had been attacked in the cave by what appeared to be blind marsupial echolocating vampire cave goats. Apparently, these nightmarish creatures have tiny suction pads on their hooves, not unlike the pads on a gecko’s foot. This allows them to skitter across cave roofs, then drop upon unsuspecting victims, draining them of their precious life’s blood. Their ability to operate in total darkness may be from the ultrasonic bleats from their hollow horns.

Further rumors fully substantiate the certainty that some of the college cavers have been taken alive by the marsupial blood suckers to be used as, shockingly, breeding stock. This begs the question, can a cave goat-human hybrid be possible? Certainly it can, and has, happened. They walk among us!

As our crack analysts here at headquarters piece together this new flood of information, we will make this available to you. On a lighter note, local search and rescue guru Nick “Nick-o-Time” Bowlten will be presenting our lead field scientist and the new host of the hit series “RiverMonsters,” Chuck Kuehn, with the Ned Beatty Distinguished Rescue Ribbon. Chuck was the only witness to the brutal attack on Jeremy Wade. His brave efforts from the safety of the shore, in a bold and self-sacrificing attempt to save the doomed celebrity from the soggy killers were at least, truly heroic.

Word has it that Chuck shouted at the beasts until almost completely hoarse. He very nearly needed medical attention himself. We are proud of you, Chuck ! One eye witness (who actually only has one eye) has submitted a dramatic and horrifying drawing of the heartless killer that dealt the famed mergoat “bite-o-death” that was Jeremy Wade’s undoing. This drawing can be viewed on YouTube. Just enter “Time Lapse Mergoat Thing Drawing.” WARNING! This stomach-churning sketch should not be viewed by children or those with weak bladders or bowels.
Once again, we here at the A.R.T. Would like to thank Missy Votel and all the journalistic heroes down at the Durango Telegraph World Headquarters for stepping into the ring and fearlessly printing our research data. Despite the jealous howls and gnashing teeth of the rest of the so called “science journal” community.

– Michael Wayson, A.R.T. Headquarters

Federal deception by omission
To the editor,
Stocks and homes are assets priced in U.S. dollars. Their soundly shown price histories are inflation-adjusted (“real”).  But such histories are seldom seen, because: Well apparent therein are our nation’s serial, massive MISpricings. “The public be suckered” is both (1) this track record, and (2) keeping it unseen.

See “Real Homes, Real Dow” here:
Obviously, these simple price histories are very instructive. Keeping them seldom seen by the people is intellectual savagery. Journalism panders to intellectual savagery. Higher education panders to intellectual savagery. Holders of elected office pander to intellectual savagery. The big con infests America. (The news media do know how – look below the second chart in the webpage cited above.)

The foregoing denounced the nonappearance of real asset price histories. The following opines re. the sequence of trouble.

1. The main enabler of sizable asset price bubbles is keeping the real price histories out of sight.

2. Bubbles break because they formed. “... like all bubbles, they burst at some point.” Martin Feldstein
3. “The financial crisis that afflicts the country is largely a result of speculative bubbles, built on false hopes, in the housing and stock markets.” Robert Shiller, late 2008.

Making these very instructive, real asset price histories well apparent to the people is overwhelmingly justifiable. Their intellectual content is merely long division. The USA homeownership rate is about 2/3. The stock market invested rate is just above 1/2. The financial sector size is 1/12 of GDP (charts are affordable!)

In view of the preceding, the outcome reality of near-zero appearance of these histories does imply collusion rather than competition in America, and it is consistent with “education” as a four-letter word.

I am no attorney, so I offer this understanding of mine just as food for thought. Federal felonies include fraud, which includes false advertising, which includes deception by omission.

– Ed Hamilton, Durango

Curtail outside ads in elections
To the editor,
Elections belong to all of us – “We, the People” – and we should control how they’re conducted. Third-party political advertising is increasing, and it’s overwhelmingly negative. Due to the Citizens United Supreme Court decision, the source of funding is shrouded in mystery, and corporations, unions and individuals can provide unlimited funds to influence elections. Can we do anything about it? You bet – read on.

In the Massachusetts U.S. Senate race, incumbent Scott Brown and challenger Elizabeth Warren have come up with a partial solution, through the “People’s Pledge.” If either candidate benefits from a third-party ad, they must pay a penalty to a charity chosen by their opponent. Both Brown and Warren asked outside groups to avoid advertising, making it clear that outsiders’ spending would damage the candidate they intended to help. This is an agreement between the candidates, not a law or regulation.

Candidates can still advertise in any way, including negatively, with their campaign funds. According to the Boston Globe and National Public Radio, the result in Massachusetts has been a tremendous decline in outside and negative advertising.

Some third parties have cried foul, stating that the agreement limits free speech rights. It doesn’t – they can still advertise, they just have to accept the consequences.

It’s pretty certain that the U.S. House race between Scott Tipton and Sal Pace, and the Colorado House race between J. Paul Brown and Mike McLachlan will see negative outside ads — in fact, they’ve already started.

You can help by signing two online petitions at, asking the candidates to create a similar agreement for their race. The Tipton/Pace petition is at and the Brown/McLachlan petition can be found at . Sign and then call and email the campaign offices and ask that they help reverse the decline of civility and fair play in our political campaigns.

– Sincerely, Gary T. Skiba, Durango