Diver: Nasty Nay-Nay and The Dirtbag Ballers (Tim, Andrew and Luke)
Interesting Fact: We have multiple pictures of Wildcat on our fridge.

Dear Diver,
I enjoyed the recent inquiry about the North vs. South City Market debate. However, now deeper questions remain. One, what did the South City Market devotees do with it being closed? And two, will the crusty South City Market folks finally have bragging rights on which is superior?
– Sincerely, All the Milfs go to North
    
Dear South City Creeper,
Did you know back in the day that the North stood for Freedom? This is America! America stands for freedom, and as divers, we stand for North City Market. (Except for Tim, he will probably get food solely from dumpsters). We do not condone the SSMS (South Snooty Market Suckers). I’m pretty sure the South City Market devotees are going to have to find a new place to deal drugs. Those sketchy folks might have to start going to Wal-Mart. Or maybe they will just have to move to Cortez.
Ahem…I beg to differ.

I am of the opinion that North City Market sucks. I surprisingly enjoy being able to fit two deep in an aisle. You just wait all you Northerners, the South will rise again! By the way, I saw your Mom at South City Market and she was looking fiiiiiiiiiine!! Keep that in mind as our shopping experience will be enhanced soon enough.
 – Tim    

 

 

Dear obNOXious Girl,
So, first you need to observe the daily habits of cats. The most effective way to keep your pores healthy is to take a dust bath first thing in the morning. Then you come into the house all dusty and sit in someone’s lap and lick yourself clean. Who doesn’t love a good licky lick of your entire body, just make sure to apply some arnica, and then just let it burn, if that doesn’t work try saying the prayers on the Dr. Bronner’s bottle while applying it, there’s some crazy stuff going on there. Your skin should be silky smooth. Hope this helps.
– The Cat’s Meow

Dear Diver,
Now that summer’s here, I’ve decided to take up the sport of tubing. What sort of things do I need to know as far as gear, clothing, tube selection, etc. Also, I do not have a lick of river knowledge and am only a so-so swimmer, should that matter?
– Another floater
    
Dear Tube Steak,
The intense sport of tubing might be too much for you. You need to buy an expensive dry suit, have an extra paddle, and an NRS tube otherwise you will surely die on the Animas. You also need to take a 30-hour training course and learn how to do the backstroke and the butterfly stroke. Anywho, did you know that 40,000 people are bitten by cats in the U.S. annually? Speaking of lick, watch out for Noxzema girl. If her pores aren’t silky smooth she might bite. Also, because it is election year, gonorrhea is fastly becoming untreatable, just ask Mitt Romney. He met your Mom at South City Market.

 

If in danger, just stand up!
– Divers Out

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 25 Durango, CO, 81301
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