Diver: Dan Groth, of Raider Ridge
Interesting Facts:Dan is perfectly satisfied with his perfect hairstyle, thank you very much!
Dear Diver,
What’s up with people stealing other people’s Facebook entries and claiming them as their own? The other day, I posted something funny, and within half an hour, several of my “friends” had also posted it, with no attribution of where they got it. Isn’t that stealing or copyright infringement, or something? How can I keep it from happening again?
– Face-”crooked”
Dear Face-”crooked,”
Though I’m not familiar with this “face” book you write of, your situation does bring to mind an amusing anecdote from the days of my youth. Back then, a certain Lord Godfrey, one of our local wastrels, was prone to any number of lascivious, foppish actions. Most notable was an incident where he wrote a lengthy sheet of foul, blasphemous verse, absolutely brimming with vulgarities – and even a crude drawing of a certain piece of human anatomy – and drunkenly posted it on the door of our village church. Needless to say, we all were able to provide attribution of this missive by the elaborate signature Lord Godfrey executed on the sheet and the culprit was promptly beaten by our constabulary. So my advice to you is to provide attribution via personal signature when you desire your posting to be recognized (Perhaps even a personalized wax seal could be applied for absolute verification) – and if your posting be morally upright, so much the better! That is my advice to you, good sir.
– Sincerely, The Diver
Dear Diver,
I am thinking of getting a tattoo but want it to be really original and unique, like me. Problem is, I can’t really seem to think of anything. Wondering if the diver has any goodoriginal tattoo and or tattoo/placement? Also, is it gonna hurt?
– Tat Man
Dear Tat Man,
As far as uniqueness and originality, you must subsume your desire to express yourself in such a way. There is only one thing that ever needs to be expressed and that can be done with an enormous bald eagle tattoo which covers the entire back and the length of your arms. I’m aware that this is a very large endeavor, costing much time and money, so I propose a back-up plan: a small ladybug tattoo to be located on your right ankle.
– Sincerely, Diver
Dear Diver,
Now that the whole world is on fire and the river is about dried up, what the heck am I supposed to do for fun? This summer is really bumming me out.
– Good Times Charlie
Dear Charlie,
In my experience, a drought doesn’t necessarily “dry up” the possibility for a good time, as long as you apply a little creativity! For example, I seem to recall one time when me and ol’ Chip McGill were bored and decided to go on down to the quarry and huck rocks at the cliff-side til our arms got tired. Aw man, that was fun. Another time, me and Chip got in a big ol’ rasslin’ match and his arm got all black and blue. He got back at me by hitting me with a hammer, which got me so riled up that I threw a tremendous rock onto his thigh, shattering his femur. Actually, that particular incident wasn’t very fun...
– Sincerely, Diver

In a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the In-Sinkerator. The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
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In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows