Diver: Joey from Velorution Cycles
Interesting facts: Joey’s nickname was “Durango” for years before he moved, or had even been, to Durango. Coincidence or fate? You decide.

Dear Diver,
I recently heard that the word “nazi” is no longer acceptable in everyday vernacular, as in “parking nazi,” “soup nazi,” etc. Is this true? Please advise, as I would like to stay on the right side of the politically correct word police.
– “Naz”osure


Dear Naz,
Who’d you hear this from, the lady next door who insists on referring to herself as her dog’s “mommy?”  We humans have a long history of taking our most reviled/revered individuals’/groups’ names and integrating them into our languages for use in certain situations.  For example:  “My son hit a homer!” Don’t know who Homer is? I’m pretty sure he’s some old Greek poet. Baseball’s older than I thought. Or, “He’s being such a Herman Cain.” Don’t know who Cain is? Tell me what rock you’re hiding under, because I want to join you.

In any case, as far as Nazis go, the trick is to not apply the term to any specific individual, because not many individuals can really live up to the hype. Even most (most) politicians, whom I despise in general, can’t live up to that moniker. However, when used in a non-specific, hyperbolic sense, I call no foul. As for your PC advisor, tell her to quit being a PC Nazi.
– Signed, Tactless

Dear diver,
A friend of mine claims she got herpes from playing beer pong, something about dirty balls and drinking beer. At first I was a little skeptical, but I am pretty sure she’s legit. Could this be true and if so, what can we do to protect ourselves, short of beer pong abstinence?
– King Pong


Dear Pong,
There are really only two answers here.  1) Only play with people who have been tested for all communicable diseases and are willing to carry around current proof of harmlessness. 2) Play whiskey pong instead.  Although admittedly this game won’t last very long, one taste of good ol’ Maker’s Mark and the herpes virus will drop dead. I think. Don’t quote me on this one.
Wait, is this public?
– Signed, Not a Medical Professional

Dear Diver,
What is up with the “Outlaw Snowdown?” I know it’s in Pagosa, but do they not know there’s a long-running event over here of the same name? Or are they just trying to steal our thunder? Are they insinuating that ours is the “In-law Snowdown?” What does it all mean?
– Snowed Over


Dear Snowed,
What? You think Durango has a registered trademark on drunken, costumed stupidity? What about that place that had the giant ridiculous brouhaha on Main Street at Halloween? Oh, that was here?  Hmmm.  Maybe I’ll call the trademark office.
In any case, it would appear that Pagosa just figures we’re too busy drinking/costume making to notice our name has been pilfered.  As for the Outlaw part, I don’t think they’re insinuating anything about us ... I think they’re trying to get Burt Reynolds and Frog to show up.  After all, who doesn’t like a ‘78 Trans Am?
– Signed, The Snowman

 
In a sticky situation? Got a dirty little secret?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen.  The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 25, Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488
- or e-mail telegraph@durangotelegraph.com
 

 

In this week's issue...

May 14, 2020
The great re-awakening

Shrouded in unknowns, the timeline for re-opening some businesses in Colorado came into clearer view Tuesday.

May 15, 2020
The best defense

Pandemics often bring pandemonium. It is easy to be fearful about coronavirus. But we already possess the greatest weapon on Earth against it: our amazing body and its powerful immune system.

May 7, 2020
Yes! The Farmers Market is opening

It may be hard to imagine, but while us humans are shuttered away in our houses, or hiding behind facemasks and Zoom meetings, the natural world is going on without us.