Diver: Renae Blanton, owner, Sonas Integrative Medical Center

 

Interesting facts: All you need is love ... and a mop-head, quirky clothes and an accent and you, too, can start a peaceful revolution that will forever change a nation.

Dear Diver,
I am admittedly a pretty uptight guy. I have a new roommate who is all into smoking the green, all the time—and he’s an irritating advocate for getting other people to smoke. He keeps telling me that if I just “toke up” I would “chill out”. I keep telling him that I get panic attacks when I smoke weed—panic attacks are pretty much the opposite of “chilling out”. And besides, it seems to me that his version of “chilling out” is watching Adam Sandler movies all squinty-eyed, occasionally letting out the most irritating of all giggles. My question to you is: why are Adam Sandler movies so stupid?
– Sincerely, Stanislaus P. Fauntelroy III

Dear Stanley,
My question is why does an uptight guy with a fancy name like yourself have the need for a sloppy, stoned roommate? Of course this is a similar question I asked myself watching “The Odd Couple” on TV. And therein lies a solution! Sway your squinty-eyed house fellow to watch “The Odd Couple” with you instead of the incredibly funny Sandler movies and I would bet in the process you will learn that love, trust and friendship – like Felix and Oscar – are more important than living different lifestyles.
– Diver

Dear Diver,
So I’m driving home late from work the other night, and every light I hit on n. Main turns red. It was almost uncanny, as if the government, Big Brother or maybe Big Government was conspiring against me. Why are they out to get me? Or at least make my life as frustrating as possible? And more importantly, if there’s no one around, is it OK to run it?
– Lead Foot Larry
Dear Leaded-Down,
Let me let you in on a little Durango secret: over half our population is “retired” members of the CIA, FBI and other three-lettered organizations we aren’t even aware of. And what could be more fun when one is “retired” than working the switches to our traffic lights? You have noticed the “downtown Durango” cameras on Main Avenue with the supposed intent of allowing people to check out downtown on Facebook? Well, now you know the real deal – entertainment and easy spying by Big Brother. I say run the lights (after looking both ways twice)!  Let us know if they send one of the black helicopters that can be spotted around the area after you. That would be real entertainment!
– Diver

Dear Diver,
What’s the big deal with the Olympics? If you ask me, it’s all rigged and everyone’s juiced. The whole spirit of the Games is gone and it’s nothing but one big commercialized mockery. What’s the point? (And don’t tell me it’s to prove to the world that the U.K. actually has decent food.)
– No-lympian
Dear Limpy,
Let’s remember a time back in 1936 … a time when the United States and other democracies could have taken action that may have caused one Adolph Hitler to take pause and reconsider his next steps. By the United States fully participating in the Olympic Games, despite Hitler blatantly demanding countries to not bring their African-American or Jewish athletes, we allowed Hitler to successfully launch some amazing propaganda that lullified many a nation including ourselves from intervening before a full-on world war was started. And how about the 1972 Munich Olympics? Eleven Israelis were massacred and even today the International Olympic Committee refuses to commemorate them as that may cause Arab and Muslim countries to boycott (wtf?). The point is – the Olympics are much more than juiced athletes or corporate commercials. We watch because this is the platform where world wars are launched and international rifts expand all under the pretense of unification. We love waiting for the dirt and drama – we are looking for the next Harding-Kerrigan cat fight to ensue. And let’s face it, those tear-jerking stories of how our athletes overcame obstacle after obstacle to be the amazing athletes representing our country are just, well, inspiring.
– Diver

 

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