Diver: Jarrod from the Raider Ridge Café
Interesting facts: A fly can’t bird, but a bird can fly.

Dear Diver,
I used to like getting red envelopes in the mail, but Netflix is starting to lose me. First there was the rate jack over the summer, which I reluctantly gagged down. Then there’s all this funny business with streaming and Qwikster (translation please). What do you think? Suck it up for another few months or dump the corporate bastards?
– Tuning Out, Durango

Dear Tuned Out,
The fact that you have made it this long with the “corporate bastards” is not a testament to your intelligence. Everyone knows the only good thing that comes in the mail is that yearly birthday card from grandma. The one that shows up so far from your actual birthday that you can’t be certain what year it’s actually for, but you still happily cash the 25 big ones and head straight to the nearest watering hole. Anyway, to answer your question, remember the words of Timothy Leary and “tune in, turn on and drop out.” Wait, you should probably not drop out, you’re going to need to get a good job in order to keep paying for those little red envelopes.
– Peace, Diver

Dear Diver,
My parents are coming next week to take in “Colorado’s stunning autumn splendor.” The sad fact is that in five years of living here, I have yet to make a trip specifically to look at leaves, and I’m woefully unprepared for the big visit. Where are the Diver’s favorite places to peep for fall color? Interesting diversions/side shows to lighten the mood are also welcome.
– Fortunate Son

Dear Fan of John Fogerty,
Ahh, the “stunning autumn splendor!” It’s my personal favorite time of year, but asking someone to give up their personal favorite splendor “peeping” locations is akin to asking your best friend’s sister out on a date. It’s just not in good taste! I will give you one bit of wisdom for witnessing the best of what fall in the San Juans has to offer. Heed the advice of the late Freddie Mercury and “get on your bikes and ride!” The view is always better from the saddle of your trusty two-wheeled steed.
– Happy Trails! Diver

Dear Diver,
I just called for tickets to the Great American Beer Festival in Denver, and it turns out they’ve been sold out for months (don’t know how I blew that one). The problem is, I’m still interested in scoring my bottomless mug and knocking back a few. How can I crash the party (or any party/concert for that matter) in style?
– Bruce

Dear Poor Soul,
Since apparently my theme today is quoting infamous dead people and passing it off as advice, I will leave you with the words of the great John Wayne. “Life is hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid”
– Good Luck! Diver

In a sticky situation? Got a dirty little secret?
Seek help from the master of the kitchen.  The diver has the solutions to life’s little messes. Send your problems to, “Ask the Diver:"
- 1309 E. Third Ave., Room 25, Durango, CO, 81301
- fax (970) 259-0488
- or e-mail telegraph@durangotelegraph.com


In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows