Diver: The Desert Sun Team
Interesting facts: Desert Sun has been jacking up Durango for nearly a decade

Dear Diver,
With Halloween on a Monday this year, should anyone even bother? I guess I’m starting to feel like it’s finally time to just stay home, hand candy out to kids and go to bed at a reasonable hour. Your thoughts?
– Dressing down in Durango

Dear Dressing Down in Durango,
You’re right. Why go to all that trouble for one night of masked urban hysteria? You should probably leave a bowl of lemon drops on the porch and let the kids have a free-for-all while you cozy up by the fire with your tea and romance novel; however, it’s not that simple. This is the one night a year that you can truly let your freak flag shine and drink in public without getting hauled away in handcuffs. There are plenty of low-cost options available if money is the bottom line. Pull off the whining pants, put on your ninja suit and let’s wander the streets in search of a free Halloween costume. This quandary just requires a few extra prep hours instead of 15 minutes shopping at Wally World on Halloween, so don’t wait until the last minute, or you might have to go out in your birthday suit. And as I recall, Halloween can be a tad bit cold.
– The Diver

Dear Diver,
I’m having difficulty with a set of crusty neighbors. If there’s music, loud conversation or people on the deck anytime after 8 p.m., we’re guaranteed to get a visit from Johnny Law. The weird thing is that we’re not partying, and even the cops are starting to scratch their heads. What to do (remember, they will call the cops)?
– Larry the table guy

Dear Larry,
While you may mean well, and noise law isn’t in effect until 10 p.m., disturbing the peace surpasses the noise curfew in the eyes of the law. At least they haven’t come over for “giggling too loud.” Oh wait, that’s why they came to my place last week. Maybe Johnny Law needs something new to do around here or at least spend more time searching for the hardened criminals. I recommend finding ways in which their lack of loud conversation and music is a disturbance to your peace. Or you could just go the old-fashioned way and try to have a conversation with them. Better yet, move up Wildcat Canyon, listen to music, converse like the world is ending and giggle all you want.
– Locavore Diver

Dear Diver,
With all the lettuce, melon and spinach recalls and vegetarians dropping dead, I’m starting to get concerned. It’s not like I’m not vegan or anything, but I do like a little roughage in my diet, but the options are getting slim. What suggestions can the Diver make for some quality Listeria-free living?
– Nice Melons, Durango  

Dear Nice Melons,
We have a plethora of local options right here in Durango. If you’re smart, you’ll shop at the Farmer’s Market. Fortunately, we’ve discovered that Listeria won’t survive the deep fryer, so we recommend you throw all your roughage in for at least 15 minutes for proper decontamination. If the fryer won’t work, introducing Listeria into your diet in small doses to build immunity may do the trick. If you can’t beat it, join it.
– Giving in, The Diver