Diver:Tom Neb, of San Juan Cycles

Interesting facts:Tom wrenched his mind for the answers to this week’s questions


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Please help me and my husband settle a minor marital dispute. Should the toilet paper roll be placed overhand or underhand (forwards or backwards). He’s a top-up guy and I’m a bottom-down gal. Obviously we can’t meet in the middle.

– Wiped Out, Durango

Dear Wiped Out,

The key to this often-debated dilemma is geographical. For us up here in the northern hemisphere, the commode flushes counter clockwise whereas it’s the opposite down south on the bottom of the planet. The upper part of the globe goes overhand while the bottom dwellers go underhand. If it was any other way it would mess up bathroom feng shui.

 – Diver

Yo Diver,

What’s up with the inbred hate for road cyclists here in Durango? Ever since moving here a couple of months back, I have felt a certain animosity to our fitness-oriented group. As always, I cannot excuse some of the half-witted and finger-flipping actions of my colleagues, but hey, every group of peoples has a certain few individuals who give the rest of us a bad rap. As a mountain biker who trains on the road, I feel that if Durangoans want more mountain bike national champions, they should support all of us who are on the road because that guy you’re always buzzing and fuming out may just be Ned Overend or Todd Wells himself. Anyways, what gives?!

– Rosscoe, via email


Great question. This is a simple matter of perspective. Picture the average Durangoan coming home from a long day of work, where you make $8/hour, and driving up on a group of roadies taking up an entire lane. Not only do they NOT have flags and reflectors on their bikes, their helmets and sunglasses probably cost more than you make in a month. The perfect storm is already brewing and you haven’t even made the attempt to pass.

You shouldn’t be worried about running over a local pro as those guys are pro and make tons of cash and thereby train on private roads. The people who you think might be Ned or Todd are imposters who went to said pros’ garage sales and bought all their old jerseys thinking if they look like pros they can ride on the yellow line where the pavement is much smoother. If you want more national champions, be patient; DEVO is working on it!

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Even though I pay extra to LPEA for “green” electricity every month, I still suffer from guilt every time I turn on my dryer. How can I assuage my conscience and still send the kids to school in dry trousers?  

– Mom, via email

Dear Mom,

Shame on you. The fact you pay your bills with drug money you make growing “green” medicine for all the sick males aged 19-35 in this town is pretty low. Shut down the grow lights and get out the clothes line.  

– Diver


In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows