Diver:Tina and Bree, of Coldwell Banker fame


Interesting fact:Tina and Bree are the source for Durango’s finest dirt (and sticks, bricks and stucco)



Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Now that Snowdown’s over, I’ve got a pressing question for next year’s celebration (and a few of the highpoints in between). What’s the best unconventional cure for ye olde hangover? Think cheap, fast and easy. And please don’t say hair of the dog – that only works until the next day, when you’re faced with same dilemma.

– Pistol Pete, via email

Well Pistol Pete,

There are many, many good hangover cures that we have learned over the years. First one is drink water all night … just kidding! That is ridiculous and just plain cruel. We think the first and most obvious choice is to get you’re ass out of bed, crawl down to El Rancho and belly up to the bar and beg those lovely waitresses from the Diner to bring you a Bacon Cure and a Bloody Mary. If this still doesn’t work, we strongly advise a good set of jammies from Target and a marathon of the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.”  This will make you feel so much better about yourself even if you did urinate in your bed (or someone else’s for that matter), because you will still be a better person than those fake ladies.

– Divers

Dear Diver,

I’m taking a trip to the land of strip malls and breast implants. Do you have any tips for fun things to do in Phoenix?

– On the road again in Durango

Dear Willie,

There are so many fun things to do in Phoenix, and we both agree that poor Phoenix gets a bad rap. Folks here are a bit uppity if you ask us concerning strip malls and fake body parts. Our motto is much like the song “love the one you’re with” and you can apply this saying to cities as well. Seeing as how last week it was 15 below zero in Durango, Phoenix sounds like a fantastic getaway. We both love to go to Scottsdale, do a mini triathlon (so you feel like a good person), hit IKEA, go to lunch at Red Robin, cruise the mall and then hit the happy hour at the hotel. The night ends with a lovely evening watching pay-per-view, eating candy bars in bed, reading trashy magazines and finishing a bottle of wine.  Just take the city for what it is and “love the one you’re with.”

– Divers

Dear Diver,

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I’d love to get something off my chest. Many of the dudes I know get shorted on V-Day. They cough up roses, chocolates and expensive dinners and almost always miss out in the “gift” department. What gives? Doesn’t St. Valentine care about the men out there?

– Dirk D, Durango

Well lovely Dirk,

It appears as though you are dating some snotty biotches, first off. Most of the ladies we know treat their men to some kind of lovely outdoor activity, cook them dinner and perhaps some making out on the couch??? Gifts … you are obviously not aware of the massive recession (or you’re not married to a Realtor, like our poor husbands are) as we both wonder what kind of gal is expecting any sort of expensive gift or dinner in this economic climate? We think that paying the electric bill or perhaps free reign in the vegetable department at City Market without coupons seems like a fantastic gift these days. Long gone are the wine-filled evenings at Seasons with a diamond necklace (you shouldn’t buy diamonds anymore after that movie “Blood Diamond” anyway, as you may go to hell for it). So, quit your whining, find a good gal who isn’t so caught up in cheap candy and carnations and buy her a good shot of tequila and just maybe St. Valentine will take pity on men everywhere and give them the gift they really want: A good shagging. 

– Divers

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows