Diver: Renae Blanton, Sonas Integrative Medical Center
Interesting facts: The verdict is still out on which of Santa’s lists she made this year.

Dear Diver,
Why is it that the cops in this town don’t use their turn signals or obey any traffic laws in general? And I am not talking about when they are in hot pursuit of a criminal. I am talking about everyday cruising. Is it because they are above the law?
- Defensive Driving

Dear DD,
Why do cops break the very laws they are hired to uphold?  Because they can.  When inquiring, my secret source tried to explain to me that many times they are en route to a potential crime scene and are following some protocol where only some of the cops get to go lights a-flashing and others have to go quickly but discretely, leaving a wake of disgruntled citizens such as yourself.  I personally think it is impossible to use a blinker when one hand is on the steering wheel and another is holding a donut. Whether it is bad driving, abuse of power, or covert operations…. They are hiring!

Dear Diver,
With all this sexual harassment stuff in the news, I was just wondering. Is it still politically correct to sit on Santa’s lap?
- Naughty and Nice

Dear Christmas Bipolar,
Dressed as a school girl – no.  Beyond that, it may be wise to check the post office most-wanted list before embarking on your pilgrimage to Santa’s lap.  And if you keep your thoughts pure, so might he (right…).  A safe bet would be to take the pillow pet you received from Santa last year and use it as a “safe barrier,” kind of like those seat covers in restrooms.  And remember, when it comes to Santa, it is not “skin to win,” or so they say.

Dear Diver,
Every year for Christmas, my mother in law gives us peanut brittle as a gift, even though I am deathly allergic to peanuts. I gently remind her, but she still claims to “forget.” Should I be concerned that she is early stages Alzheimer’s or is she trying to do me in?
-Going Nuts

Dear One Nut in the Grave,
Does she work at Wal-Mart?  You see, there are corporations out there that tend to hire “older” workers. And these companies have a tendency to purchase life insurance policies on their employees with the company as the beneficiary.  
Your mama-in-law may be savvy to this tactic, and unbeknownst to you, you are worth much more to her post-peanut reaction, i.e. dead.  And considering you haven’t mentioned your spouse’s attempts to protect you from their Mama, it may be a family conspiracy.  Watch your snacks, man!

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