Diver Photo

Diver: Jesse DeKrey, parts unknown 
Interesting facts: International man of mystery, or at least confusion


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,
With high-country biking season under way, a perplexing conundrum has resurfaced. Why is it that dog owners are obliged to remove their pets’ physical bi-product while many local trails are brimming with steaming piles of horse shit? Perhaps I’m just sick of finding little presents lodged amongst my treads, clips and teeth, but I don’t understand the double standard here.
- Singletrack mind

Dear Singleminded,
Having recently spent some time in the high country, I have been wondering the same thing. After doing some research and consulting my book of latest and greatest trends in small mountain towns, it seems horse shit, amazingly, fits into not only a gluten-free diet but vegan as well! Go figure. While you seem bothered by these “presents” in your teeth, many a Durangoan has begun to savor this delicacy. Maybe you should jump on the bandwagon, put down your Kashi bar and get the real thing! As far as the difference between dog and horse? Well, without dog shit on the trails, local trailgoers would have one less thing to complain about while riding some of the best singletrack on the planet and we couldn’t have that.
- Diver

Dear Diver,
So, why are there so many people in government or trying to get in government that hate government? Isn’t that like someone who hates sick people wanting to become a nurse?  There are examples from Durango to Devner to D.C. I don’t get it. Also, are any of these people poor? Do they have any love in their hearts? Why do they want to “fly our plane?”
– Fear of Flying, Durango

Dear Fearful Flyer,
Great point, however you’re missing some key components. You must remember the kid in school who was always right, debated everything, got straight A’s and ate lunch by himself, right? The same kid whose mom was always early to pick him up in the Volvo station wagon and made him sit in the back seat until he was 18. (Coincidentally, she was also his date to senior prom.) Perfect candidate for public office! What a perfect stage for said nerd to demonstrate his ignorance of everything. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, or what’s best for the people, it’s about who can get the most air time and sound the smartest, some things never change. As far as wealth? It’s not cheap to convince thousands of people to vote for an idiot, so yes, money is a prerequisite.
- Diver

Dear Diver,
Last Friday around midnight my girlfriends and I went to get down and nasty on the dance floor only to find that the Lost Dog doesn’t DJ anymore! It was a huge disappointment to say the least. Where does your local mischief makin’ mistress go to do some booty shakin’ on a Friday night?
– Just Gotta Dance, Durango

Dear Booty Shaker,
You’re not the only one! Everyone has been wondering where the ballers and whose who of Durango have been gettin’ down. They say competition is good, but in this case not so much for the LD. Turns out, Sunshine Gardens assisted living has been puttin’ on a little happy hour, dance party of their own every Friday, noon-2. Some of the hottest DJs have been spinnin’ down there, plus they have crazy drink specials (2 for 1 Pedialite and prune juice). I hate to tell you that you’re outta the loop, but well, you are! You thought the Lost Dog was good? Drop by Sunshine for ladies night on Thursdays and you won’t know what hit ya.
- Diver