Dear Diver,

The other day a friend of mine jokingly referred to me as a “mouth-breather.” I gave it a little thought and realized he might be right. My questions are: what’s wrong with using the large air hole, and should I start to break the habit? Pointers appreciated.

– Heavy breathing in Durango

HB,

Ouch … tell your friend to call the library and ask for the definition of “tact.” The important thing, especially at our altitude, is that you are getting oxygen. In my many years of breathing, I have heard that the two smaller holes above your larger one act as filters. This is really important when we have Utah literally blowing in the wind this time of year. Mouth breathing could also get you in trouble if you are in the phone solicitation business (in fact it could get the police at your door). I would vote for trying the whole nose breathing thing and see how it plays out.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

I’m giving some thought to experimenting with facial hair. I’ve been clean-shaven all of my

– Bert, Durango

Bert,

I have lived in Durango five years now and your timing seems off. Most of the folks I know (mainly men) grow facial hair at the onset of winter. The biggest factor is the type of mate you want to attract. (If you were married, your spouse would have already made it clear if you could sport facial hair or not). There are people who are attracted to facial hair and those who fear the burn. Oddly, out at the three B’s, I recently saw an electric razor that bragged it would not give you a close shave. I would start with that. Overall, look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Can I be a facial hair person?” You’ll know deep down. Do us a favor though, if you do grow facial hair, maintain it please.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Spring cleaning has been disrupted by my filthy dog, who keeps rolling in dirt and leaves and tracking them through the

house. I’m on the verge of giving up and waiting for summer. How

can I restore the sparkle and keep

Gina happy?

–Calgon Take Me Away,

via email

Cal,

Rita Rudner once stated that she and her husband were trying to decide if they wanted a dog or kids. They were weighing if they wanted to ruin their rugs or their lives. You know “sparkling clean” and dogs don’t happen unless you keep them chained to something in the yard or lock them in the basement where they start to get a little bug-eyed and scary. At my home, I have Andyland, (I know, scary). It is a space in the house that is decorated to my tastes, clean to my satisfaction, and everything lives by my rules.  I say claim your part of the house and let Gina be as much of a dog as good manners and sanity allow in the rest of the place.

– Diver