Dear Diver,

I just stumbled upon distressing news – depressed people eat more chocolate than anyone else. Here’s a two-part question – Do I eat chocolate because I’m depressed, or is the act of eating chocolate making me depressed? Also, do cream-filled centers have any impact on human emotion?

– Angela Cadbury, via e-mail

Dear Cadbury Bunny,

Ahhh, the classic question – which came first the chicken or the egg – or was it a Peep? Perhaps you’re not depressed at all – you may just like chocolate! Also, are we really talking about chocolate or just the cream filled centers? Soft and gooey are great emotions, so are tingly and smooshy! Eat all the chocolate your heart desires and feel free to bring some by to share with us – dark, light, cream filled – we like it all!

– Your Chocolate Loving Friends

Dear Diver,

I’ve been following the immigration craze in Arizona and am a little concerned that madness may spread north. How long will it be before the Native Americans start asking to see our papers?

– Fourth generation Anglo-Saxon immigrant

Dear Whitey,

You could follow an oil company example (who shall remain nameless) by dumping old golf balls and tires on Arizona to stop the spread.

– Your Equal Opportunity Divers

Dear Diver,

What are your thoughts on self-prescribing medical marijuana and procuring said medicine through the black market? Also, why does the Durango dispensary boom of the last year so closely resemble the real estate licensure boom of the early 2000s?

– Huffy in Durango

Dear Huff & Puff,

Yes, we think you should self-prescribe and self-medicate, the black market is now the legitimate green market. You might as well get your Card, it’s not like they’re tough to come by with just about everyone in the county getting in on the game. Now you’ll wonder if that really was a dead skunk you smelled or if it’s your neighbor’s backyard garden. As for the resemblance to the real estate license boom – I thought that was still going on – and we’ve heard now they can help you find a caregiver! So pick your caregiver wisely and toke it up dude!

– Your Fresh Flower Experts