Dear Diver,

When is the last time you spent the night drinking pitchers of cheap beer and throwing a heavy object down a lane? No, I’m not talking about bowling, I’m talking about this new sport called “curling” that has been around for more than a hundred years. I asked my good friend google how much the average professional curler makes, and she told me a whopping $13,000 a year. I would love to make that much a year living in Durango. Can curling help sustain our town during these troubling times, and how do we convince the city to hop on the bandwagon? “Durango Curling” has a nice ring to it.

– Justin, via e-mail

Dear Justin,

Oh the great past time of curling! Do you really want all the pressure that comes from being a professional athlete? Let alone a curler? Think of having to be a role model to all your young adoring fans. Not to mention making $13,000 a year will put you into a different tax bracket. All I’m saying is that with great fame comes great responsibility. And to answer your question,I think curling is just too big for little ol’ Durango.

– Sincerely, Diver on Ice!

Dear Diver,

What are your thoughts on harvesting road kill? I’ve been giving thought to picking up a little lightly tenderized elk on my way home from work. But will eating off the shoulder lower my social standing?

– Meat Lover in Durango

Dear Meat Freak,

Your dilemma brings up a story recently told to me about a male model named Skippy, from New York. It seems “Skippy” hit a deer going over to his friend’s house. When he arrived, he asked his host if it was OK to go back and get it. His friend told him “I don’t see why not,” and so off he went. With a flashlight in his teeth, and an average pocket knife in hand, not a drop of blood touched him except from the wrist down. He had dressed the animal, loaded it up and had it in the friend’s driveway for skinning within 20 minutes! Pretty freak’n impressive! My point with all this is that if male models can do it, you should, too.

– Yours truly ,The Ridiculously Good Looking Diver

Dear Diver,

Has Durango fallen so far down the live music ladder that our best shows are now being performed by impersonators? We’ve had faux Phish, fake Buddy Holly and almost-Queen in recent months. Are we even getting the top “tribute” acts?

– Group E., via e-mail

Dear Groupie E,

Durango in the winter is a sleepy town, but with spring approaching, so will the good music. Did I see you at the Mykal Rose show this last Sunday at The Summit? And in regards to the lack of worthy impersonators in town, this isn’t Las Vegas or the Sky Ute Casino. Last time I was there pulling slots, I saw many Billy Ray Cyruses and multiple members of Korn.

– Music to my ears, The Diver