Divers:Katie Wacker (Beware the Turtle)  

Interesting:Katie practices being invisible while talking to her imaginary friends

Dear Diver,

I recently graduated high school and will be attending Fort Lewis College next fall. I have lived in Mount Vernon, N.Y., and about five minutes north of the Bronx for the past three years. Prior to living in New York, I resided in Santa Fe, so as you may have already guessed, I have visited Colorado many times. My question is, is there anything that a young man like myself should know about Durango or living in a mountain town before I make my 2,000-mile journey to the Wild West in a few months?

– Beau Kiklis, via e-mail

Dear Mr. Kiklis

Relax and enjoy yourself! Durango is a laid back town where we residents enjoy the finer things in life. Such as rafting down the Animas* in the middle of the week, or escaping to the wilderness to commune with nature and disappearing for weeks at a time. You and the elements of nature become ONE here. We all go with the flow. If you like clocks, well, you can always rush on by and miss everything, that’s allowed, too. Hope I didn’t make you too anxious. I would suggest smelling the roses, watching the sunsets, exploring the land and driving Hwy. 550 north to Ouray and back – nothing like feeling the blood rush through your veins for the first time – Remember, You’re ALIVE!

(*Animas: pronounced Ann-im-es – speak Durangoan when you get here.)

– Diver

Dear Diver,

To bike to work or not to bike to work? That is the question.

– Pondering Pedaling in Durango

To Pedal,

Do you like oil rushing into the Gulf of Mexico, killing birds and marine life, suffocating the water? Do you like corporate execs stealing our money so they can buy million dollar houses and a $75,000 antique commode? Do you like feeling that gut wrenching when you pay at the pump? Yeah, didn’t think so, me neither. By all means, BIKE! Sure, you might have to rearrange your schedule, but it’s summer! We all breathe fresh air, feel our bodies moving and smell the roses waft by as we ride. View it as a wonderful opportunity to take the time, without the rush, and to breathe! How lucky we are to live in Durango! What a wonderful bike path we have!

– Diver

Dear Diver,

I just read the question in last week’s Diver column regarding male girdles and have a follow-up. Why are Spanx called Spanx? Is the label suggesting that the shapewear could lead to some kind of bedroom adventure? Also, what message is the company’s slogan “On Top and In Control” trying to send?

– Cautious Customer, via e-mail

No need to be Cautious,

Spanx is called Spanx because of the sound they make when you slap it against someone’s skin. And, if you were pulling them from someone’s skin to make that slapping noise, you would probably know them fairly well, right? Imagine doing that to a random stranger walking down the road – I dare you. So perhaps…….

Aww, hell, why fight it. Whoever marketed this product DEFINITLY knows what they’re doing. Sex is a basic attractor whether you’re consciously aware of it or not. Humans make purchasing decisions primarily based on EMOTIONS rather than intellect. So if your marketing strategy is to appeal to the “sex drive” of 99.9 percent of all buyers and end up being the talk of conversation amongst the populous (like here for example), then I would have to give them a spank on the back for a job well done.  

– Diver

DiverDiver                                                                   

 

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Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

In this week's issue...

June 13, 2019
Haven't got time for the pain

In the words of the great Salt-N-Pepa, let’s talk about sex (baby.) There, we said it.

June 13, 2019
Scoping begins on Silverton travel plan

The plan to bring more singletrack to Silverton is rolling forward. Last week, the Bureau of Land Management announced the beginning of a 30-day public scoping period on its proposed Silverton Area Travel Management Plan.

June 10, 2019
2019 Hardrock taps out

Snow, avi debris, high flows force cancellation