Diver:Sue from Big Red Sled Media

Interesting facts:Sue always calls it like she sees it … like it or not

 

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

What’s up with no-name bands that claim allegiance to a major music mecca? Does it really matter that Johnny and the Doorknobs are from Austin or Cry Me a River is Nashville-based? Are these bands really worth checking out or should I stick with local fare?

– Mac, Hermosa

Well, Mac,

The way I see it, the more of these performers come to Durango, the better. I mean, come on. What is Durango anyway? A little town on the way to a bunch of other little towns. We’re lucky to have the music scenesters stop by for something other than getting a tire fixed. All those acts that stop by also eat here, drink here, stay here, spend money here. So in a roundabout way, by supporting the non-local acts, you’re also supporting the local economy. That’s a good thing. I gotta tell you, the last visiting musical act I saw had me dancing so hard I think I left a butt cheek on the floor at the Abbey. Can’t wait for the cleaning bill for THAT … just sayin’.

– Sincerely, Dancin’ Diver

Dear Diver,

Now that marijuana’s gone mainstream (and is practically legal) is it still cool? Back when it was outlawed and people weren’t using it for “health,” it had more of a dark and mysterious edge. What’s the next drug of choice for us renegade users?

– Deeply anonymous in Durango  

Dear Anonymous:

If you can remember when smoking pot was something you got away with as opposed to something you were expected to do, then yes it’s still cool. If you’re a young punk looking for entitlement to smoke it, then yes it’s still cool. If you’ve smoked it, eaten it in a brownie, had it as ice cream or cookies, then yes it’s still cool. If you’ve gotten a whiff walking by a dispensary, then yes it’s still cool.

Now, where were we?

Oh! The next cool edgy drug for renegades? I forget….

– ‘Ere,  Diver

Dear Diver,

I’ve been invited to a wedding by someone I don’t particularly like. Should I go and enjoy their open bar and prime rib? Or should I stay home and stew and hope this special someone gets a clue?

– Always the bridesmaid, via e-mail

Oh honey:

This is the perfect opportunity for you to have the time of your life and leave that loser in your au-jus covered dust. I’d go. I’d take a really hot guy,

whether you know him or not. I’d certainly enjoy the open bar to the fullest extent possible. You need to show them you’ve moved on and can enjoy life, even if it is at their expense! So get in there and eat, drink and be merry! Make yourself a bouquet out of the bows on the packages at the gift table. Dance like your undies are full of fire ants! You can save the pouting until the day after the wedding. After all, if you’re going to have a doozy of a hangover, you might as well have something worth feeling sorry for yourself about. Oh, and do your best to scramble over all the other single ladies and arm wrestle a 12-year-old to catch the bride’s bouquet. Make sure everyone remembers you were there! (even if you don’t…..)

– Sincerely, Diver

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows