Dear Diver,

So, the Feb. 4 SoapBox had a letter entitled “Leaving ‘Durango Time.’” Here starts the fun. Got a mad lib for you: I am from (state name) and have been in Durango for seven years. At first I was treated like “sat on a toilet, butt cheeks flex’n, took a crap, and out came a (person from a state).” It took (number) weeks to put in my (noun), because it was (noun) season. I am too much of a (noun) and (verb) about customer service. I am now moving back to (state name) ’cause I am tired of (action) myself to sleep. Diver, is your mad lib creation actually funnier than the real letter?

– Justin, via e-mail

Dear Justin,

Well thank god for my husband because he really “tied the room together.” Thank The Dude. What do you think?  “I am from (Michigan) and have been in Durango for seven years. At first I was treated like “sat on a toilet, butt cheeks flex’n, took a crap, and out came a(n) (Eminem). It took (67) weeks to put in my (goat), because it was (pistol) season. I am too much of a

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Please help, my son keeps asking to take up snowboarding. My wife and I are devoted three-pinners and were hoping that telemarking doesn’t skip a generation. How should we handle our lift-served dilemma?

– Mr. Hippy Sticks

Dear Hippy,

Let’s begin with one of my favorite quotes: “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever.” Let your son go venture his own path. If you put too much negative emphasis on him wanting to try something new, he might completely rebel, and you’ll never get him back. So relax, and have fun! Look at this new chapter like being in the backcountry – it may be a bit frightening, but damn is it exciting!

– Diver

Dear Diver,

I know you’ve been asked these kinds of questions a lot lately, but what’s the best way to tackle “the berm” and get my house and parking spot out of the deep freeze.

– Still buried in Durango

Dear Buried,

Four words – Be. Like. Tom. Sawyer. First, buy some beer, then have a party with all your burly friends. When the party is well established, start to challenge one of your friends to a shoveling match. You can rally this person by saying that you can shovel faster than he or she can. “Wanna bet?” Make it look really fun and exciting. Pretty soon everyone will want to get involved and voila! You’re dug out in no time.

– Diver