Divers: Liz, Stacy, and Vanessa, from Steaming Bean, serving your addictions and washing your dishes seven days a week.

Interesting Facts: Liz, Stacy, and Vanessa do in fact WASH DISHES. Stacy sees every clean dish as a penny closer to a new bike. Vanessa is so disenchanted by wage-labor and the lack of respect for counter workers that she really tries not to think about dishes. And Liz, well, she thinks that people should eat out of their hand more often.

 

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

What are your opinions on having children? My wife and I are still enjoying our freedom, catching late night shows and making trips to exotic locales. But most of our close friends are either expecting or changing diapers. Is it time for us to get on the baby train?

– Dave, Durango

Dearest Dave,

As advocates against the breeder revolution, we would suggest not even trying to make it to the baby-train station on time. Much like our local locomotive nuisance, the baby-train is obnoxious and makes itself heard at odd hours of the night. Like Silverton during the lunch hour in the summer season, this world is crowded with enough frothing, crazed people that can’t quite get a grip. People ‘round the world, hop aboard the love train, go to Asia and adopt a kid…if you really have the desire to live without any personal freedom. We, meanwhile, can be found with our pants around our ankles near the 32nd Street bridge showing the unfortunate train passengers how bright the moon does shine in Durango.

Divers

Dear Diver,

When does the City of Durango deem it appropriate to declare a “snow emergency?” My street is a “snow route” and it hasn’t been plowed since late in 2009. Just what constitutes a snow emergency anyway?

– Still Buried in Durango

Poor still buried,

The only real snow emergency is when there isn’t enough. Yet either way people are complaining. However, based on current conditions, the City has forgotten that Durango is indeed in Colorado and despite so-called climate change, it still snows (and rains) here. When multiple roofs start caving in and avalanches run through your living room, then maybe it is time to raise the emergency flag. Just be thankful you don’t live in Haiti. And if it really matters to you, then move back to Boulder with your Toyota Tacoma and quit whining.  

– Divers

Dear Diver,

Is it humane to have my dog’s vocal chords snipped? He’s a barker and beginning to drive my friends, family, neighbors and co-workers crazy. Can you offer any solutions other than major surgery?

– Spot’s best friend, via e-mail

Dear “alleged” Spot’s best friend,

How can you claim to be your canine’s companion and consider doing such a wretched thing to him (or her)? Disgraceful. If your best human friend cackled like Fran Drescher would you threaten to cut out her vocal chords or put her through some shock collar laughter treatment? Any conscious homo sapien knows that they are responsible for the demeanor of their dog. Maybe you should shape up and shut up, and your dog will follow suit.

– Divers

In this week's issue...

March 17, 2022
Critical condition

Lake Powell drops below threshold for the first time despite attempts to avoid it

March 17, 2022
Uphill climb

Purgatory Resort set for expansion but still faces hurdles

March 10, 2022
Mind, body & soul (... and not so much El Rancho)

New health care studio takes integrated approach to healing