Dear Diver,

I just learned that I’m going to be audited by the Internal Revenue Service, and I’m a little surprised, considering I pulled down $27K and change last year. Do you have any tips for making the man in the black suit feel at “home” when he visits? A little revenge might ease the pain.

- Tax Form Tony, via e-mail

Dear Taxi,

Pot brownies. We could dance around this all day, but I’ll cut right to the chase. Welcome to Durango, tax-man … home of 42 dispensaries and some of the most dank bud in the country. Then just turn on some TV – Nick Jr. would be my recommendation – and “Yo Gaba Gaba” (moms, you know what I’m talking about). Kick back and let him do his best. Make sure to film the audit and post it on YouTube – send me the link.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

They’re back!!! For the last three weeks, I’ve been sniffling, sneezing and snuffling my way around Durango. What are the Diver’s homespun remedies for allergy season? Please help.

– Overpollinated in Durango

Dear OP in D,

Have you heard of this thing called a neti pot? It’s basically like a home water torture kit. You voluntarily force 3 gallons of water up your nose and “excrete” all sorts of fun stuff. Now, I don’t think that this will fix your allergies but after you do this, your allergies won’t seem so bad.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Where do our tourists come from? I know that Telluride’s popular with New Yorkers, Aspen is a draw for the West Coast, and L.A. likes Vail and Beaver Creek. Where are our noble visitors from? It seems like there’s a little Texas, a little Oklahoma and lot of New Mexico. Am I right?

– Still waiting (tables) in Durango

Dear Waiting,

You can tell where a tourist is from based on how they drive – here’s a little guide for you: 

- Drives a ridiculously large RV and tows a $50,000 car behind it; manages to get ’er up to 45mph on Main Ave.; has no comprehension of crosswalks or bicyclists = Texas

- Ignores red lights; honks at you in the crosswalk; is either driving way over the speed limit, or way under – but NEVER the posted limit; doesn’t use turn signals = You got yourself a New Mexican

- Drives in the left passing lane 10mph under the speed limit …with their left turn signal on; slams on the brakes to take a photo of a mule deer; doesn’t actually look at the road – just stares at the scenery = Welcome to Colorado, Oklahoman!

– Diver