Diver: Dan Mantineo, of CookManFood.com

Interesting facts: Dan wraps everything in bacon. He spends most of his time tying to see if he can be faster than the mouse trap and his fingers hate him for it.

 Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

My first anniversary is coming up at the end of the month. I’m hoping for a night to remember and looking for input. What’s the Diver’s Durango dream date? Nothing cornball, cheez whiz or expensive, please.

– Still married after all this year


Ah, my dream date. Well it is fairly simple. It involves some dill pickles, a volleyball and a band aid. You can figure out where it goes from there.

– Diver

To the Diver,

There is a man in Telluride who has become fed up with the dog poop situation in his town. Said fellow has taken to pouring bacon grease on dog poop left at large in the area. It is reported that dogs running loose have cleaned up the piles by making a meal of the piles. Is this legal in Durango?

– Pooped Out, via e-mail

Dear Pooped Out,

Hmmm. 1,002 uses for bacon fat. I don’t know how this could be illegal. Bacon fat is awesome, and we should be finding more ways to use its byproducts. Stay green, recycle.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Why does it seem that some of the “safety personnel” at nearby ski areas appear to be a little unsteady on their sticks? Isn’t there some kind of an entrance exam or can anyone don the “white cross” these days? Is anyone else out there also living in mortal terror of being tobaggoned down the front side?

– Watching My Turns

Dear Watching,

This is a tough one to answer. It really depends on your definition of upper intermediate. Do you mean beginner expert or advanced beginner? Knowing would really skew my answer. I take it that you are a lower beginner if you are asking about fear of being tobaggoned down the front side. All of the upper expert skiers hang out on the back side.

– Diver

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows