Dear Diver:

Why are the FLC kids trying to bring ’80s fashion back? Sunglasses with neon green or pink plastic frames weren’t cool the first time. Not to mention the leggings, etc. The ’80s were a sad point in 20th century aesthetics. Please, Diver, how can we persuade these misguided young scholars to leave the past in the past?

– Moving forward in Durango

Dear MFID: 

You must have forgotten how sexy Olivia Newton John looked in her leggings, or Madonna for that matter. And I am almost positive that you still haven’t taken down that Cheryl Tiegs poster. Here’s to the ’80s. What a dirty decade.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Now that the H1N1 vaccine has finally arrived in Durango, I have a few questions. Does the vaccine really work? Is it worth the potential side effects? And finally, is this yet another government conspiracy to turn us all into pigs.

– Durango Daryl

Dear Double D:

Oh if it were just a government conspiracy - but that would be oversimplifying the deal. It is a conspiracy on multiple levels. If you haven’t noticed, the GOP mouth piece (yes that would be Rush) has already turned into a pig, as has Glenn Beck and pretty much everyone at FOX and all Republicans. It is actually a very easy process (human to pig) because we humans have more in common genetically with pigs than each other (the other white meat conspiracy)  That is why the Obama Administration is pushing for health reform so hard and why WHO (and others who are actually educated) is ramping up their H1N1 campaign. Don’t you remember Animal Farm? Well that is what’s going on – on a global scale – so get your bloody shot.

– Diver

Dear Diver,

Recently a co-worker of mine decided to embark upon a quest for a Gerri-curled rat-tail. His new hair-do makes me uncomfortable at work and I find that it is difficult to concentrate on my responsibilities. I’m concerned that because this co-worker is a newbie to town, he may have difficulty making friends and consequently, I’ll have to hang out with the rat-tail. I’ve considered direct action by sneaking up behind him with a pair of scissors abolishing both the hair hanging down his neck and memories from the ’80s. How can I save what little dignity he has left?

– Smooth Operator

Dear Smooth Operator:

I’ve recently returned from a trip to Cambodia where Gerri-curled rat tails were served wok fried over steamed rice. I suggest a spicy peanut sauce with plenty of fresh vegetables! 

– Diver