Diver:Chris “Calli”ster, from Iron Elephant Tattoo

Interesting facts:Calli isn’t into war, but he does drop bombs regularly.

 

Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

Our company Christmas party is coming up soon, and we’re looking for ideas. Last year, our attempt at company karaoke totally bombed when “Cindy’s” rendition of “Tiny Dancer” sent the entire staff running for another bar. What ideas can you offer for some good, clean, team building and inter-office fun?

– Da Boss, via e-mail

Dear Da Boss, 

In my opinion, karaoke is about as played out as bad ’80s sitcoms! Why not turn it up a notch, step outside of the box and introduce “The Transvestite Christmas Social?” If that doesn’t keep things interesting, then your east wing of credenza dwellers sounds hopeless.

– Happy holidays, The Diver

 

Dear Diver

My girlfriend is addicted to the vacuum cleaner. I know I shouldn’t be complaining – clean the house yourself, right. But the machine runs at least twice a day and now lives in the middle of the living room instead of the broom closet. The funny thing is, I can’t even see the dirt/dust that’s being vacuumed. Please advise.

– Not my real name, via e-mail

Dear Nameless,

Let’s just hope that your girlfriend is spending more time with that vacuum than any other electrical device found in one’s household. Not to mention that if she’s vacuuming all the time and now it’s left in the middle of the room, maybe it’s your turn.

– Dusty Diver

Dear Diver,

What are your thoughts on internet dating? I feel like I’ve exhausted all my local options (yoga, spin class, El Rancho) and am running out of time.  

– Desperately Seeking in Durango

Dear Desperate,

Ahhhhhhhh, the old “push the button for your convenience” dating racket! I’m sure this method of meeting and its success rates are greater than I

give it credit for. But to file your personal profile for someone else to sift through like an arcade room grab bag just seems forced and generic. If you’re having that hard of a time with three different venues, you might want to take up newer, different things like doing some research to find out other functions going on around town or surrounding areas. I take yoga, drink at the Ranch and do about 10 other forms of enjoyment as well, and I see or knowsingles throughout all of these places. Don’t limit yourself to three places! Time to consider stepping outside the box, don’t you think?

– Good luck, The Diver

P.S. Scratch all that, just manifest it! I met my wonderful wife of five years at the El Rancho.

In this week's issue...

June 13, 2019
Haven't got time for the pain

In the words of the great Salt-N-Pepa, let’s talk about sex (baby.) There, we said it.

June 13, 2019
Scoping begins on Silverton travel plan

The plan to bring more singletrack to Silverton is rolling forward. Last week, the Bureau of Land Management announced the beginning of a 30-day public scoping period on its proposed Silverton Area Travel Management Plan.

June 10, 2019
2019 Hardrock taps out

Snow, avi debris, high flows force cancellation