Diver:Julie and Ophelia from the Regional Housing Alliance

Interesting facts:This column was written in five states, three airports, on a bus, in a train and transmitted via telepathy to theDurango Telegraph


Got a dirty little secret?
Looking for guidance to remedy a sticky situation?

Seek help from the master of the kitchen! The Dish Diver has solutions to life's little messes. Send your problems to "Ask the Diver." - By mail to Durango Telegraph - Attn Diver -534 Main Ave., Durango, CO 81301; by email at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com, or by fax at 259-0448.

Dear Diver,

What does the lyric “Wrapped up like a deuce (or is it douche?) another runner (or is it rumor?) in the night” mean? Also, I understand that the Boss – none other than Springsteen himself – wrote and first recorded the tune. Was he trying to send us new millennium types a secret message?

– Johnny at the juke box

Dear Johnny,

When we were just tykes sitting on our mothers’ knees singing along to the likes of “Hot for Teacher,” “Livin’ on a Prayer” and “Sweet Child O Mine,” we pondered this very question. It was, in fact, the founding mystery of our childhood, along with questions like “Does God exist” (answer: “Obviously, The Boss.”)

The lyric is, in fact, “Revved up like a deuce” and in its original incarnation was “Cut loose like a deuce.” To parse that one a little further, a “deuce” is a 1932 Ford coupe ... as well as a number, a machine gun (the M2 Browning), and a poker strategy (deuce-to-seven low). Therein lies the parable of the song known as “Blinded by the Light” – it is all things to all people, and it will puzzle us until we figure out which afterlife our interpretation will lead us into.

So, when we’re rockin’ Madison Square Garden in the shower belting out, loud and clear, “Wrapped up like a douche another runner in the night,” The Boss is looking down

from above (or Jersey), laughing his timeless little butt off.

– Divers

Dear Diver,

I’m an outdoorsy type and fairly new to the area. Let’s just say I’m a little confused by the Durango name game. So is the trail network west of town the “Durango Mountain Park” or the “Test Track?” Is the “Dalla Mountain Park’s” true identity “Sailing Hawks?” Please help. Also, what or where is Church Camp?

– Stumped by singletrack

Dear Stumped,

As fairly recent newbies here, we are starting to learn, as you will too, Stumpy, that the name game is a way of life here in our fine town. Whether it’s mountain bike trails, our six-name ski resort or your 10 friends all named Julie, we eventually quit trying to figure it out. So get over it. I mean, does it matter which of the 10 Julies you hooked up with last night? Or whether your luscious Bloody Mary came from “Purgatory” or “Durango Mountain Resort?”

Your tires don’t care whether they’re at church or on the mountain, sailing, sliding or spinning, so take the advice of Freddy Mercury and legends of Divers past and “just get on your bike and ride!”

– Divers

Dear Diver,

After 10 years, I’m getting a little over the laid-back (some would say unprofessional) way of doing business in Durango. What secrets can you suggest for A) getting people to show up at appointments on time or at all, B) having clients meet their dead

lines, and C) getting said clients to pay their bill and help me buy groceries on time.

– Many thanks, Donna, via e-mail

Dear Donna,

What a funny dichotomy of Durango. There are those that are frustrated by unprofessionalism and those that  take pride in the laid-backness of the Durango business-style.  

A couple weeks ago, we were walking through downtown neighborhoods, renamed recently by realtors as “the Avenues,” noticing again how stratified our community has become. We couldn’t help but look at some houses and think – man, their neighbors must hate them. And it went both ways – the yards with more junk in them than Sir Mixalot’s girlfriend’s trunks next door to the manicured, Pleasantville fenced homes with little fairy houses built into tree trunks. Each frustrated with their own, righteous, holier than thou reasons.

So, sorry we don’t have more advice.  It’s one of the quirky things about Durango that is changing with gentrification for better or worse and in yet undefined ways.

– Divers

In this week's issue...

January 25, 2024
Bagging it

State plastic bag ban is in full effect, but enforcement varies

January 26, 2024
Paper chase

The Sneer is back – and no we’re not talking about Billy Idol’s comeback tour.

January 11, 2024
High and dry

New state climate report projects continued warming, declining streamflows